Monday, April 14, 2014

Everything and nothing

Man it's been a while!

There's lots to say and nothing to say.

I was asked if I wanted to be considered for a three month old with Down syndrome.

Hell ya!

Family wants married couple with no other children.

Boo!

I still see his profile show up on my Facebook.  The family wants to place immediately but it seems no one is meeting the mark for them.  I see today they are now willing to accept families with one other child...

Boo again!

My provincial home assessment is finally underway! (Different than private)

Halleluja!

Only have had one interview, today's was cancelled and interviewer STILL does not have all the information transferred to her from the province that she needs!

Stupid!

The biggest thing...the worst thing.....

My mother died....

Horrible!  Unexpected!  Too soon!  So much left undone!  Soo many regrets.  Guilt.



Flying together in Heaven


These two shared a love for each other.  It didn't matter how long it was between visits Ailish would hear Grandma's voice and would immediately smile and vocalize in a different way than she would do for others.

I post this picture because it makes me laugh.  I saw that look directed at me a lot in my childhood but this time it was  in a good way, as in a "oh you shouldn't have!" sort of way.

Sunday, March 23, 2014

Malia "we should get a rescue cat that way when the kids have seizures the cat can rescue them"

We totally need a rescue cat

Tuesday, March 18, 2014

Doomsday Year 3

Three years ago tonight....well in 39 minutes actually my most adored Ailish was taken.  I could say died, passed away, croaked even if I wanted to be crude.  When I am mad and sad I say that she was stolen from us.  My head knows better.  My head knows that we were beyond fortunate to have her as long as we did.  My head knows that Ailish lived a life of health far greater than the majority of her peers with the same condition.  My head knows that things could have been so much different in her eleven years on this earth.  My heart cries foul.  My heart says it is so unfair that Ailish died.  My heart says what a cruel and unfathomable crime to take such a precious being so filled with innocence and joy beloved by all leaving devastation in the wake.  Whatever I guess.  It is what it is and what it is is Ailish is no longer here.

Where are we three years later?  In all honesty everyone is fairing well in regards to dealing with their grief.  For the majority of the kids it would seem that they don't know that one of them is missing.  Whether they do or they don't does not prevent me from ensuring that I have done my best in informing them of what occurred.  Ailish's pictures are of course up together with theirs and if they show an interest I talk to them about her.  For the other kids it is what it is for them too.  We continue to be free to discuss what we might be feeling about Ailish's death but there is also levity.  Good or bad I have passed the baton in dark humour.  It is true what they say that laughter is the best medicine.  We have learned that even in the darkest of circumstances you can laugh even if it is at the expense of their sister in the urn....

Each day is a new day for me.  Some days are harder than others as memories of Ailish are more prominent but for the most part I remain as sane as I was previous which as most will attest is not saying much.  The grief remains gut wrenching and it is carried daily but it cannot be allowed to consume me when there is a life to be lived.  I have children to continue raising, a commitment to be the best mother I can be.  I cannot turn out well adjusted human beings no matter what developmental level they might be at if I am paralyzed in my bed.  I have a commitment to Ailish in keeping her memory alive to ensure that the world knows she did exist and that hers was a life worth living no matter what her limitations were.  Ailish's life and the quality she instilled in her family's is a testament to new families facing the same condition that every life has meaning and purpose and their lives will be inextricably improved in ways they could never predict with a child like Ailish in it.


I have no video making skills to post new ones of my girl but nothing like a good rerun!  For those of you seeing them again thanks for watching and for those viewing them for the first time please let me introduce you to my daughter, Ailish Angelia.




video

Monday, March 17, 2014

Gala 2014




Gala night in support of the school that has educated the majority of my kids in their early school years and some to grade six.  I brought the teens this year which was interesting as they started school with them and now have one year left before graduation.  So many of the staff recognized them and it was great to show the girls off.
Guess who took the picture.  



foot wear I had to wear

foot wear I wanted to wear


"Ya, so it's looking like you might be going out somewhere and we were just, you know, wondering....is anyone going to  feed us?"



 

Monday, March 10, 2014

Finally

It might comfort you to know that the contents of this envelope contain documentation that has taken three and a half months to obtain.  It states that "As of today, I can find no intervention services record in (this province) indicating that you MIGHT have caused a child to need intervention" nor has any "information been found pursuant to a search done based on information provided by the Applicant in the (city) Police Service".

There you have it.  I am as stellar as they get as far as these folks are concerned.

Yay me
Guess what Folks?!

It's Spanx season or as you might know it Gala season!


Friday, March 7, 2014

Types of adoption

There are three ways in which to adopt in my area.  Here is the bare bones of it.  Adoption is not easy.  There are many hurdles and hoops to jump and ultimately whether or not you adopt is based on someone else's opinion of you and your current family make up.  Being single with no children, being single with loads of children.  Someone has an opinion on that.  Be you straight or be you gay.  Someone has an opinion on that.  If you have had fertility problems...have you resolved the emotional issues around that.  If you have suffered loss or losses what have you done to get your head screwed back on.  It is a subjective process based on theory in reality but still subjective based on the assessors life experiences, education, background etc and then those of the folks up the ladder that must approve the home assessment as well.

For those of you who are familiar with my blathering on regarding my quest to adopt again you might question why do I say that I have been waiting for five years to adopt again when I don't have a current home assessment.  Usually the home assessment is the first step.  Indeed it is.  The thing with us is we are known.  I have been in contact with the agencies over the past years and they know my desire to adopt and who it is I am looking for.  I have received a call or two however those situations did not work out i.e. parents deciding to not place their baby.  One of my children is the result of such a call, or rather they were about to call but I became aware of the situation first and beat them to it.  I have umpteen different home assessments that have been completed but in the last couple a new process has been implemented and that is what I am anxiously awaiting to begin.  Again, adoption is not easy and is always based on someone else's time schedule and shockingly enough they don't put me at the centre of their day prioritizing my needs over others!  Fancy that!

So here are the basics of adoption as I understand them in my area.  I specify my area as each province has different adoption laws.  Why make things simple and have a standardized set of rules for the whole country?



1) Public adoption meaning it is through the province either by way of their straight adoption program or adoption through foster care. There is no cost for this

2) Private adoption. There are four private agencies approved to complete adoptions in the province. This is a fee for service process whereby the agency completes the home assessment and all required documents. Expectant parents wanting to place their children for adoption contact the agency and are shown profiles of prospective waiting families from which to choose. The agencies are also able to complete international adoptions as well.

3)Direct placement. This is when someone wishes to place their child with someone they know or choose without the assistance of an agency etc. A home assessment may or may not be necessary based on the determination of the judge when it reaches his attention (all adoptions are finalized by a Court of Queen's Bench judge). There is an actual self serve adoption package that families can use.

There you have it.  Of all three types I have completed adoptions each way.

I don't care how a baby finds me I just hope they find me.