Thursday, August 29, 2013

Just in case you forgot

Just in case anyone didn't know or has forgotten....grief is still stupid.

It doesn't matter how long it has been.  The memories are still clear, the emotions still raw.

All triggers present and accounted for with maybe a few new ones to pour into the mix.

I don't know what it is to lose anyone but a child.  Count me lucky in some respects.  The loss of a child however....I cannot imagine anything that hurts more or a grief more intense.

Tuesday, August 27, 2013


Remember last year?  Look at the child!  All full of excitement about the first day of grade one, not knowing what was going to go on but just feeling it was going to be great.

Remember when I dropped by the school in my distress of the child having her first day of grade one?

Remember how quickly the staff gathered a mini parent teacher conference on the first day of grade one? ( I think it took them all of two minutes to gather four different professionals all of whom looked like they had been ridden hard and put away wet).

Remember how the child loved to type braille but H.A.T.E.D to read braille?

Well we are seven, count them seven days away from the first day of grade two.  The child's heart and soul have not softened in the least to reading braille.  I will be just as distressed about sending my little dolly across the city to her school but maybe this year I will hide under the covers or at the very least have someone hide the bus keys on me so I don't feel compelled to drive to the school.  Maybe I should unplug the phone too...


It's going to be a great year!  It's going to be a great year! It's going to be a great year!


Monday, August 26, 2013

If wishing made it so

Wouldn't it be great if the reason I haven't posted in days was because we were adjusting to the demands of a brand new baby?


A girl can continue to dream right?  Even if that 'girl' is like waaaay to old to be called a girl?

I have been having baby dreams where I am actually given the diagnosis of the baby that would find herself to me.  These diagnoses in the dream often have me researching in the morning as I dreamt terminology foreign to me.  These dreams have happened to me for a number of the kids before they came but not always right before maybe over a year or so.

The dream I had a couple of weeks ago showed me in a board room with a man and a woman.  The man had in his hand slips of paper that each held a profile of a child we had been matched with.

On my paper it read:  Four month old
                                  Choanal atresia
                                  Some term meaning cardiac but said it was treated
                                  Braille might be helpful in the future.

In my dream I tell myself to remember the spelling of the first term so I could look it up when I woke up!

Anywhoo all those things put together leads to a syndrome called Charge Syndrome.  This is a syndrome I have a basic knowledge of but certainly not the intricate details of it.

How weird is this?!

I have had another dream but a long long time ago in fact two years ago that said the baby would come home in May.  Coincidentally May is the only month we do not have a birthday under this roof.  Now if you do the math and depending if baby found her way to me this month and depending when in the month she was born, this baby could actually have been born in May!

Though the month is not over there is no new baby on the horizon for me that I am aware of but again if wishes could make it so.....

End result here is that if anyone knows of an infant girl diagnosed with Charge syndrome whose family is looking to place for adoption....I call DIBBS.

Thursday, August 22, 2013

false advertisement

Tried it on my face

It doesn't work

Tuesday, August 20, 2013

Oh would it be true

I was gifted with a crib last night.

Either of two things might be at play here.

1.  my friend knows something I don't know

2. my friend wants to get rid of stuff and my house seemed a good place to drop it off

I of course am hoping for number one and that soon a little bundle will fill this crib.

Wouldn't that just be the B.E.S.T?!!

Monday, August 19, 2013

she could be the weight guesser on the midway!

"How much pounds are you?!!!" The six year old shouts across the crowded waiting room. "Are you one hundred pounds??!!!" "Yes favourite child. I do weigh one hundred pounds".

Saturday, August 17, 2013


Tonight I was called out on my lack of fitness to be a parent to 14 children as I had no husband.  It was further stated that children require both a mother and father for healthy well adjusted adults to be the end result.

I noted two things from this brief encounter

1. the young man delivering the message is a messed up punk raised by a mother and father thereby disproving his own theory re the well adjusted adult. (It is not his opinion that makes him messed up as he has a right to believe what he wants it is the cornucopia of other factors that make him so)

2. from his mouth to God's ear I am brought a 14th child as I only have 13! (I sure hope the twit is psychic!)

Sunday, August 11, 2013

What a day it was

Remembering today how everyone came together to celebrate Ailish again a few months after she passed.  It was a beautiful day to release butterflies all holding a wish to take to my adored, forever missed girl.  The week before the big event we had been bombarded with rain.  I didn't know how the butterfly release would go.  I had borrowed huge umbrellas and prepared to have more people inside the house than out.  The day started out cloudy and threatening to let loose a torrent of water.  As it is with some things that are just meant to be everything falls into place.  An hour or so before the guests were to arrive there was nothing but blue sky and sun.  The umbrellas were put to good use but for shade not shelter.  Not more than minutes after the last guest left did the clouds returned and down it poured.

I have posted this more than once before but I do it again if not just for myself.

Enjoy by clicking on Ailish's name.


Saturday, August 10, 2013

Donkey Day

What could be better than a donkey in the family?!  This is 'E' (name withheld to protect his privacy and all).  No he does not live at our house though if Jordan had his way.... lets just say the pooper scooper would have to increase significantly in size.  This is the Nana's donkey.  Isn't he cute?  He is so calm.  So tolerant.  We loved him at first sight.  Well some of us did.  Some of us were more interested in the trampoline (aka money maker to orthopaedic surgeons everywhere) while some of us prayed that our time in the great outdoors would be limited.
It was a great afternoon of visiting, playing and relaxing...well we relaxed while some built a donkey pen but as this is all about us, it was relaxing.

So far this summer we have benefitted from friends with a pool, friends with a cabin at the lake and now extended family with cool pets.  What could be better?  Hey anyone have access to a private jet?  That would be fun!

Always prefers the backend of an animal thinking it is more predictable than the head.

Not particularly interested but gave the little fellow a pet

Trampolines are fun!!

Conclusion to a successful bum sit

I bet the donkey would like the trampoline

Donkey? What donkey?  Is that there Dr. Pepper over there for me?


Listen Donkey the chair is worth more than you so save your teeth for the chips

I think he is taking up modelling

Not a great picture but I liked the look of the herd of horses in the background

What donkey?

Loves loves loves the outside

Tuesday, August 6, 2013

I'm Worried

This child has me worried.  Really worried.  It's time to up my game in regards to this dolly most especially.  She has such spirit.  An amazing bright light in this world.  Possessing of boundless potential limited only by herself and lack of a filter.  

I don't know where she gets that from....