Tuesday, March 18, 2014

Doomsday Year 3

Three years ago tonight....well in 39 minutes actually my most adored Ailish was taken.  I could say died, passed away, croaked even if I wanted to be crude.  When I am mad and sad I say that she was stolen from us.  My head knows better.  My head knows that we were beyond fortunate to have her as long as we did.  My head knows that Ailish lived a life of health far greater than the majority of her peers with the same condition.  My head knows that things could have been so much different in her eleven years on this earth.  My heart cries foul.  My heart says it is so unfair that Ailish died.  My heart says what a cruel and unfathomable crime to take such a precious being so filled with innocence and joy beloved by all leaving devastation in the wake.  Whatever I guess.  It is what it is and what it is is Ailish is no longer here.

Where are we three years later?  In all honesty everyone is fairing well in regards to dealing with their grief.  For the majority of the kids it would seem that they don't know that one of them is missing.  Whether they do or they don't does not prevent me from ensuring that I have done my best in informing them of what occurred.  Ailish's pictures are of course up together with theirs and if they show an interest I talk to them about her.  For the other kids it is what it is for them too.  We continue to be free to discuss what we might be feeling about Ailish's death but there is also levity.  Good or bad I have passed the baton in dark humour.  It is true what they say that laughter is the best medicine.  We have learned that even in the darkest of circumstances you can laugh even if it is at the expense of their sister in the urn....

Each day is a new day for me.  Some days are harder than others as memories of Ailish are more prominent but for the most part I remain as sane as I was previous which as most will attest is not saying much.  The grief remains gut wrenching and it is carried daily but it cannot be allowed to consume me when there is a life to be lived.  I have children to continue raising, a commitment to be the best mother I can be.  I cannot turn out well adjusted human beings no matter what developmental level they might be at if I am paralyzed in my bed.  I have a commitment to Ailish in keeping her memory alive to ensure that the world knows she did exist and that hers was a life worth living no matter what her limitations were.  Ailish's life and the quality she instilled in her family's is a testament to new families facing the same condition that every life has meaning and purpose and their lives will be inextricably improved in ways they could never predict with a child like Ailish in it.

I have no video making skills to post new ones of my girl but nothing like a good rerun!  For those of you seeing them again thanks for watching and for those viewing them for the first time please let me introduce you to my daughter, Ailish Angelia.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Tears. We love you guys and will always love ailish. We remember her and will always be a part of celebrating her life. Thank you for sharing her with us. You are an amazing mother . ❤️❤️