There's more....just not now

There's a whole post to this picture with more pics to add however this is as far as I have gotten.  The good news however is there is no junk in the junk drawer just "useful" items with no better place and a storage closet that is close to being no longer life threatening to step foot in.  Course its contents are now all over the basement floor but that is just details.  I'm pretending we are moving.  If I wouldn't take it with us because I haven't seen nor used it in years then it's hitting the giveaway.

It's either nesting or I'm afraid the Hoarder's producers have my address on their next to visit list.  I really hope it's the first one but a little fear into cleaning is ok too I guess.

Some of Christmas

No big post of this and that just pictures of our Holiday Season so far.  Santa this year brought me one huge stressor to worry about that might have me drinking heavily yet.  For now I must sit and wait unsure really as to how to proceed.  What is the phrase "be still and listen"?  Trying hard but seem to be  deaf at this time

Christmas special

We attended a Christmas service tonight.  All of us (with exception of one visiting relatives).  This is an ordeal.  Not just for us but those who attend the same service as us.  All but two of us are not regular church goers.  I take them on the BIG holidays but other than that not so much.

The tally for tonight was Phoenix out singing the singers, out waving the wavers and applauding the pastor mid prayer when she thought he might have needed a little encouragement.

Little H attempting to out preach the preacher.  The whole time he spoke H was doing his growl and ra ra raing noise that he makes.

Samantha making very loud, boisterous noises at any lull in the music so that all could hear her spectacular voice.

Colleen was the first to applaud whenever she thought it was appropriate....and it usually was and first to laugh at any attempt the pastor made at being funny.

Malia in the front row dancing like there was no tomorrow or even like it was a birthday party....

We were forgiven for all of our disruptions and treated with great kindness and patience.

clap clap clap....Yay Pastor!  Preach it!

Did you know there are Christmas trees in the church bathroom?!

Did great!  Always a crap shoot with this one!

We were forgiven for all of our disruptions and treated with great kindness and patience.

She's a thinker all right

"This washer is huge right Mom?  This washer is huge" says the six year old.  "You can even use it to wash your hands".

Bet you never thought of that....

could be either really

In entering the bedroom to get child up for the day and she opens her eyes and begins to say loudly "bag.....bag....bag!  What the girl with minimal speech is saying is that it is a program day and I must pack her backpack or....she is making a defamatory comment about my character.

Discuss

"profound?" thoughts of six

"If you feed your soul ice it will get cold"  "What's that" I ask.  "If you feed your soul ice it will get cold".  "What's your soul?"  "I don't know but if you feed it ice it will get cold".

After what she figures are her words of wisdom are delivered she ends with a resounding "oogilie, googilie, woogilie!"

"I am not an IKEA MONKEY!"

The making of a cute holiday photograph might not seem all that difficult to do.  For those with well trained animals I will assume their time of it is far easier.  As ours is NOT a well trained dog things are a bit more interesting.

At some point

When other people are in control of your hearts desire and the clock continues to turn and eventually the calendar years as well you get to a point where you think it is time to throw in the towel.

I might be there...

Holding tight to innocence

I cannot look at their faces.  It's hard enough to read their names.  Instead I focus on my six year old holding tight to her and her sweetness, innocence and spirited nature.

It's all too much really

 

These are my teenage elves.  They love to wrap presents as I am not so much a fan.  These two are not ones to ask to do too many things but wrapping is first on their list of things to do during the holidays.  I love that they love wrapping.

  I was torn as we continued our Christmas chores on this most tragic of days.  How could I be readying for a time of joy and happiness when babies and their courageous teachers had been gunned down in what should have been their safe place?  How can we decorate gingerbread houses without the vision of these littles doing just that in their final moments?  The horror of this holds no bounds.

When you are the bereaved one of the most unreasonable yet overwhelming emotions you feel is confusion and resentment over the world continuing to rotate when yours just ended.  How is it possible that carols still play, silly Christmas themed programming blare from televisions and then those blasted cheerful sparkling lights twinkling as if nothing happened?

Even though this tragedy occurred in a country not my own it has happened to our neighbours.  These children are everyone's children.  It could always be your child or loved one next.  I have most definitely personalized what has happened.  I grieve for these little ones I never met nor would have ever met.  I am sad beyond sad for the parents who have lost their child or perhaps even children.  I know what it is to lose a child but to lose a child to unspeakable, unexpected violence escalates grief I think to a whole different level.  I grieve for all involved in this for the horrors of that day will live with them forever.  For the surviving children it has stolen their innocence.  It has been a cruel illustration that the boogey man indeed exists and no place is truly safe.  I empathize with the parents who now must learn a whole new set of parenting skills as they attempt to assist their children in navigating a new reality.  I also empathize with them in the fear and lack of trust that they will see their children through their childhood, college and into marriage and parenthood.  For months and months and less often now I lived in absolute terror that another of my kids would die.  Nothing is promised I rationalized.  There is nothing stopping some other disaster befalling the family and stealing another.

The teachers.  Oh my the teachers!  What an amazing crowd it seems that were one hundred percent there for their tiny students.  Some of the teachers were married and parents themselves and though I am sure their loved ones were every second on their mind as they feared for their lives they kept the little charges with them at the forefront.  I think teachers overall are unsung heroes.  Sure there are the duds in every crowd and I have had my share of complaints over the years but I have looked at the events of the day and the actions of those teachers and I am filled with a renewed sense of awe and respect.

 Malia is the same age as those targeted by the crazy killer.  This is so pertinent to me at a time when I have struggled to come to terms with sending her in a taxi by herself to a school across the city.  Malia has been so lucky in the teacher and support staff she has been blessed with for her first year of school. I have been impressed since day one.  I have no doubt they would respond similarly as the heroes of this day.  I pray to God that they are never put to the test.

For my own sanity and really what the "normal" thing to do is carry on as I would have if this day had been like any other.  The reality is it did not happen directly to me or anyone close to me but in the end it happened to all of us.  Everytime a catastrophe such as this occurs it changes us.  I hope for the better.

  I will do better at supporting the teachers that spend their days with my children.  I will try and do better at expressing my respect for them .  I will be more quick to express my appreciation.

This cannot happen again

Before school yesterday looking I'm sure just like the littles from yesterday as they headed for school

Sweet Sister?

Really sweet sister or skilled avoider of home work?  Maybe both?  Definitely a sweet sister!

Annual Christmas Do

Every year we have a Christmas party which of course is on Santa's hot spots to stop in at.  Really...who could resist us?  As a family we are so fortunate to be surrounded by so many folks whom we love and who love us back.  They love us enough in fact to cram themselves into a small space join us in celebrating the Season.  That says a lot.

I am inept at taking decent nighttime pictures but here is a sampling of the evening.