WHEN!

I read a lot of adoption stuff.

I think I have watched the majority of placement and "Gotcha Day" videos on Youtube.

There is always a common thread.  When the families talk about adopting they use the phrase "when the baby comes" or "when we are matched".  Many have baby showers in anticipation of the call saying they have been chosen so confident are they that a baby is in their near future.

In all honesty I have never been that optimistic about adopting.  When I talk of the matter it is always "if I get to adopt"or "If I get the call".  This includes waiting on a call for and my first.   With each time I have applied there are more and more strikes against me being chosen....my marital status, size of family, dependency of most of the kids, and now especially since my wait has been so long my age.

Even the 'who' I am waiting for leads me to add the 'if' of adopting.  Luckily most babies are born with all fingers, toes and functioning neurons.  Fewer and fewer people are choosing adoption when faced with an unplanned pregnancy.  A very small minority of babes are born with special needs and with a continuing decrease in placement that leaves a negligible number of special babies needing an adoptive family.  Certainly there are but a few families that are wanting to adopt a babe with really significant life long issues but we are out there.  This means I need to be chosen from at least one or two others.  Chances of those families looking like us are not great and perhaps that is more palatable to a family looking to place.

I know there is one more babe for me.  I have known it for at least six years now.  I can't explain how I know but I just do.  As strong as that feeling however  the reality is  others are in control of my "fertility".  Outside forces are who determine our family size.  Getting mentally caught in the details of how this will happen IF it indeed is going to happen puts a damper on things.

What lead me to writing this is I think I need to take a page out of other adoptive families positivity manual.  From now on I am now longer going to think "IF".  I am now going to be all about the 

"WHEN".  It can't hurt.  I have all ready passed the point of crazy, hoping, praying,  visualizing etc that I can make this elusive baby materialize.  If I really truly believe there is one more then I need to grasp onto that belief with both hands and shout from the roof tops "WHEN!  WHEN!  WHEN I adopt again!"

I'll let you know how that works out for me.....