Oh no she di'ent!

This morning was going great (for a Monday).  I was up on time, got all lunches made and packed with minutes to spare.  All kids were awoken gently (as opposed to OMG GET UP I SLEPT IN!), cleansed, fed, coiffed and had time to relax before their buses arrived.  This is great I thought to myself. I wish every morning could be like this (minus the teen drama that exists every.stinking.morning...).

Then it happened.

I was, according to the six year old....a BUTT HEAD.

Verbal is the goal right?  Everyone wants their kids to talk?

Sometimes the charm of that is lost on me.

most of the time she loves me

What was I supposed to do today?

I may have reached...okay surpassed the time in my life where I need to start making lists.  It's not that I haven't tried it before but I am easily distracted.  I would start a list and then would have to redo it because I didn't like the order in which I had written it, or I would try and impress myself by adding chores to it that I had all ready completed just so I could run a line through them...a visual to myself if you will about my accomplishments.  If I successfully wrote out a list chances are I would lose it which if one were really organized would require another list telling me where all my safe places are....

In this modern day of technology all of the smart phones have the capacity to handle all kinds of lists and it would stand to reason that since my iPhone is rarely far from me it would make sense for me to use it to keep organized.  I should mention that 'reason' is not my middle name....nor is techy for that matter.  If I were to learn where and how in the phone to input all this important data in my head chances of me being able to relocate it would be slim.  I'm good like that.  I would then need a step by step list guiding me through the phone.

You see it really is a lost cause.

I am nothing however if not hopeful.  I am hopeful that I can start anew.  I won't go so far as to be all first world techy though.  No...I will keep it simple.  Baby steps.  Pen, paper and just a few attainable goals that need accomplished for the day.

If only I knew where I left my pen and paper.  Right...I left them with my littlest man....

Crap!  Where did I leave my littlest man.....

I'll keep you updated as to my progress.

Almost a compliment....

Couldn't you just eat her up?

Mama you're so pretty.  Your hair is pretty....did you brush it?  Dang it she was so close!

Dance of Joy

I am doing the dance of joy.  Today....after five days off....is. a. SCHOOL DAY!!  I don't rejoice in this for any self serving way but I rejoice in the fact that my children are entering institutions of greater learning (whatever that may look like for each child) and where they will be offered the skills that if gained will offer them greater opportunities in life.  Ya.  That's it.

In no way am I thrilled that the constant bickering, whining, teenage drama and their thought processes that tell them I must entertain their every waking moment will cease for at least the next eight hours (that is if I ignore the text messages where they tell on each other...).

Absolutely not!  I dare anyone to think or state otherwise!  I am nothing if not selfless, the epitome of patience and understanding.  Let's not forget I'm a giver....so much so that it pains me to think that the schools and community at large are being denied any time at all with my children when their doors are shut.  I know that as much as I want to keep the darlings all to myself every day and all day they have a greater purpose in life.  It is important that they go into the world learning, developing, growing just as the world must receive same back from them.  Ya.  That's it.

Funny I never saw a photographer while I danced....

So today I dance and I dance with abandon but again....I don't dance for me.  I dance for others.  Ya.  That's it.

Ok...you got me.  The other picture wasn't me.  This one is

Day of love

 Valentines Day!  Another 'holiday' with pressure!  Two of the kids did valentines for their friends as is the norm and we added chocolate hearts for fun.  I am nothing if not fun....

For the school kids who themselves and their classmates would just as easy eat the valentines I sent actual edibles.  In the beginning of my parenting journey I always home baked the treats I sent in and I brought treats in every hint of a holiday.  I would bake them the night before and then spend the next day driving to every corner of the city to deliver them (it would be too easy for the kids schools to be in close proximity to either home or each other).  Then I started getting lazy and maybe had a little bit more money in my pocket and thought Safeway made way better looking treats then I did and they were all ready packaged for travel.  Brilliant I thought and for years that is what I did.

Then along came allergies.....not mine...not my kids.....other people's.  Not only do other people's allergies spoil their own fun but those around them.  It soon became you were either not allowed to send treats in or they were sent home wrapped, squished to eventually be tossed in the garbage whether the kid was allergic or not.  For a couple of years now then I have only brought things in on occasion.  Now the six year old has started her big kid school life and Donovan is in a school that doesn't have the same fear of anaphylaxis I have restarted my treat sending.  I have upped my game a bit though and tried to channel my inner Martha Stewart (who trust me though not dead in life has been murdered time after time again within me and my pathetic attempts at creativity) and individually wrapped the treats with cellophane and ribbon (that is until I misjudged how much cellophane I would need and had to resort to cling wrap....  Don't judge me it looked sort of ok...  Whatever!)

I since have learned now that Valentines Day is over, the giving of store bought, theme oriented valentines has been trumped by make your own friggin Valentines with the kid's picture on it!  I thought I was doing well with adding the heart shaped chocolate!  Yes I know I am years behind that people have been doing that for years but I resisted.  Generally not a follower well at least in things that are going to take more effort from me so I held out.  Well folks by this age I have proven that I have stamina....  Bring on Valentines Day next year!  I'm on Pinterest.  I can follow directions (really easy ones anyways).  There might just be some kick a@# Valentines coming home in your kid's bags next year AND beautifully, properly wrapped with the right amount of cellophane treats too that are even completely allergen free (unless your kid is a live in the bubble type allergic then all bets are off).

I will add a disclaimer....at no point am I prejudiced against those of you and your children who have allergies.  I know they can be difficult to manage and life threatening.  I also know that as parents we do not want to see our kids left out of anything and to have their feelings hurt.  I am sure it has to be so much easier when no extra food products especially those that threaten your child's life enter the school.

That being said... Valentines Day 2014, I'm ready for you!  Oh right....day of love....warmth, happiness and fuzziness, yada yada yada

I'm a giver

I gave the teens an undeserved gift this evening. I changed out of my pyjama bottoms and into proper clothes to attend their school choral performance. I say gift as neither one has warmed my heart today. This 'consequence' would have been neither logical, natural or even punitive however embarrassment goes a long way and I might have felt a bit better

help

Ok....so I'm in a bit of a time crunch.  I just got word that Ikea will give away a free crib if you have a baby nine months from today.  I like free stuff.  I like babies.  I am lacking however in the means to enter this awesome giveaway.  I need a 'helper'.  So....for a good time call Tricia @.......

It's all about making memories

Perfect!  I think as a way to make Valentines Day special at our house this year I will wake the kids up wearing one of these outfits....the middle one probably.  I know the teens will LOVE it!

such is life...or at least mine

"Mom!  Phoenix is throwing up in your bed!"

Words to warm a mother's heart...

Happy Birthday!

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January 25.  Ailish Angelia Wheatley's birthday.  This is her second in Heaven.  We made cupcakes.  We had balloons.  We sang Happy Birthday much to our little friend Gabe's confusion knowing that Ailish was no longer here.

We celebrate the date because it was the day Ailish was born.  We grieve because we don't have her to hold.

The second year I have to say is not much better than the first though the mental videos are not on repeat all day but just parts of each day.  January has been tough where Ailish's pictures and the memories they bring also come with a giant hit to the gut.  I haven't had the gutteral reaction for a while but it is back full force and I imagine it will stay at least until the March 18 anniversary date.  This year we don't have Disneyland to run to though if I had the disposable income for us to head there again I would do so in a heartbeat.  Planning a trip for thirteen to fifteen people, the majority of whom have special needs to consider making transportation and accomodation that much more exciting and to do so in a months time I'm sure would be no problem for a seasoned travel agent....

Happy Birthday Ailish Angelia my forever eleven year old girl!  Missing you today and always.

Scholar

Twice today this is where I found the child each time reading.  As a lover of books myself this makes me very happy.

sun

Fantastic February weather or neglectful parent?

Conflicted?

This week two of our local radio stations are involved in their annual radiothon in support of the children's hospital.  It is their tenth year anniversary and for most of those ten years I have been a monthly supporter.  It is a neglible amount really but it is something and an amount that is unnoticeable to our daily functioning.

I am conflicted is as I listen to the beautiful stories from some of the families who have been helped by the hospital and the miracles that have occurred within their walls.  I think about my Ailish.  It is no secret that I believe it was less than optimal nursing care on two shifts that contributed to her dying.  There is no guarantee that Ailish would not have died even if the nurses had recognized what was going on and mobilized the resources necessary but it would have changed how things played out dramatically.  In retrospect this could have been a good thing or a bad thing.  There are many stories like ours that have happened in hospital.  Crap really does happen.

Here's the thing I guess.  Medical intervention is provided by humans.  Humans are fallible.  With that knowledge I know that our children's hospital is an outstanding place and for the most part it is filled with gifted, caring individuals who are fighting for the health and recovery of my children when we need them.  We have benefitted greatly for many years from the medical and rehabilitative treatment offered from this world class facility and have developed friendships too.  It takes so many people to make that place what it is and no ones role there is insignificant.  It is safe to say we as a family have worked our way through the majority of clinics at the hospital.  Thank goodness we have avoided some but the ones that care for us have done so wonderfully.

This hospital is where I want to be when my kids need care.  It was a sad day when my kids who are now adults would no longer be able to receive treatment there.  Heck I think that is where I would want to be admitted should I ever require medical care.  Sadly immaturity does not count when you are over eighteen.  You still have to go to big people's hospital.  That being said I was cared for after Ailish died.  Their treatment did not end after my child died.  They were there offering services by way of programs, special events or just a voice on the other end of the phone.  Drugs might have been a nice addition from my point of view but I guess that might be beyond their scope.

Ultimately I am grateful.  Not everyone has immediate access to a children's hospital. It is beautiful on the inside by way of its aesthetics but made more so by the people that fill it.  I have gripes and I might complain but I believe I am guilty of taking this facility for granted.  I am older and wiser now and I vow to do better.

Getting casted for a new AFO and offered her own purple gloves

one legitimately in emerg the other a sympathetic participant

She is a favourite at Orthopedic clinic

catching some winter summer rays on the deck at the Hospice for a balloon release

visiting a friend at the Hospice.  Happy fourth birthday Abby

admitted for day surgery

Should you feel so inclined whether you be local or international everyone's money is welcome.  The technology that has been developed and brought in from funds raised over the last radiothons has saved lives, decreased the impact of some surgical procedures and in general has increased the quality of care being performed.  Think about it?

Doctor Doctor Don't Give Me the News...

My Dearest Doctor. I love you. You have been my GP now for well over twenty years. You are kind, gentle, witty and beyond intellectually gifted. It doesn't hurt at all that you are very easy on the eyes. If pushed I might admit to having had a fantasy or many about you.....
Right.... I need to tell you however that when I come to you with painful swollen glands that don't go away DO NOT tell me that even though you think it is this one easily treated thing that we should still run blood work to ensure there is no lymphoma or Hodgekins Disease! I get that you want to be thorough however just tell me that we should run a CBC as one hasn't been done since 2009. My mental health which I hang onto daily by a thread cannot handle any more information than that. Don't make me break up with you!