There are some Friday nights that for no known reason I am taken back to the second Ailish quit breathing, the attempts at resuscitation, the looks on everyone's faces, the words said and then all that followed after all efforts to save her failed.  I can also remember the day, time and conversations had 14 yrs ago when I was called asking if i wanted to adopt her. I remember clearly what transpired the rest of the day until I was able to go to the hospital to meet her and bring her home. An amazingly joyous day. As each day stimulated enormous surges of life changing emotions why is it easier to focus on the loss instead of the gain? Does trauma weigh more than joy? I'm thinking it does.