Surgery day four years ago

Today, March 16, four years ago I signed the final signature that would lead to my daughter's death.

March 16,2011 was surgery day to correct the extreme curvature in her spine.
I left her at approximately 8:20 am smiling, happy and comfortable.
I had some breakfast and began the day long wait before I would see her again.  I spent the day in the parent room sleeping as I had been up the entire night before with the littlest man who obviously felt that he was going to have to fight for some equal time and attention and so became very ill.
I received updates through out the day.  Closer to the end of the day I made my way to ICU where Ailish would be taken after some time in recovery.  Somewhere between 6:30 and 7:00 pm I was able to lay eyes on and touch a very uncomfortable girl.

Surgery had gone very well.  Nothing unexpected occurred.  All went as planned.

First night post op was rough but good medically.  Everyone was thrilled with how well Ailish was doing.
Her time in ICU would be short because of rock star numbers and by 9:30 we were on  the unit.

There would be no smiles.  There would be no real consciousness.  Her eyes were open but there was no longer any light.  So much pain.

So much pain.