A good news kind of day. 

First...'child' has seizure in crowded hospital gift shop and I successfully save her, the fancy breakables and all without anyone knowing what was going on. Thought running through my mind was the zero time for a code 66 being called PLUS all the Christmas stuff was on sale 40% off! All the fuss would likely ruined my scoring of the deals! 

Two....'child' was determined to have no tumors in her eyes or on the optic nerves and this was discovered with minimal wrestling and no dilation. 

A Christmas miracle kind of day really

Today has been brought to you by the mantra "I'm doing the best that I can, I'm doing the best that I can.....no really...today this IS my best....I'm doing the best that I can....tomorrow I might be able to do better but for today I'm doing the best that I can"

My world consists of the sweetest, kindest most generous people! 

I am grateful for those of you who think of us and reach out with kindness. 

You're all just swell!

I love each and every one of your pointed little heads!

Another year and once again no invitation to Ellen's Twelve days of Christmas. 

No she doesn't know me and no I have not tried to get tickets but that is totally not the point....

Happy Thanksgiving to all you Americans who have stopped by the blog to see that I am painfully behind in updates.

Just know that as you spend the day hopefully surrounded by loved ones, over stuffing your bellies with delectable delights, basking in the gratitude for all you have that I am too!  (well the feeling grateful part.  Tonight's dinner is Costco lasagna....).

These darlings of mine and those not in the picture leave me grateful on a daily basis.  Sure there are days when I think the next dirty diaper, or tossed plate of food during a seizure might be the last I can endure but thankfully those days are few and far between.

We live in a country that is free.  We have what we need and an abundance more.  We have love and share love.  When people look at us they might not think we epitomize what it means to be fortunate. Make no mistake however.  We are.

my deep freeze has quit. How many perogies per baggie would you say would be appropriate to hand out to the trick or treaters? Im thinking maybe for the costumes that showed a lot of effort I would throw some steaks in. Most creative a roast beef?

Happy Halloween

Here's the diehard trick or treaters. The others learned long ago if you stay at home in comfy clothes you still get candy 

Bathed in love and light.

I love it when I can catch photos of the kids when rays of sunlight are shining down on them.

Makes me feel that they are protected and that Ailish is with us.

Birthday girl. My very first newborn. Twenty three years ago. 

She radiates joy

She is determined. Stubborn. Persistent. Opinionated. Sweet. Loving. Funny. 

My love for her holds no bounds. She is my bliss. 

Because we haven't gone anywhere this summer and won't have the opportunity for the remainder I have splurged twice and rented this inflatable slip and slide.  The majority of my kids don't use it but with inviting friends over and making an event it has been well worth it for those that do.

I guess because we are nearing the end of water play season and because we have seen more rain in one month that normally seen in a year the company that rents the inflatables has let us have it for two and a half days.  What a deal!

Yesterday we had folks over and with the sun shining bright with high temperatures a good time was had by all.

Today with much badgering from two of the girls and the lack of an audience I gave it a whirl.  It really is true that the camera adds forty pounds!  That's what they say right?

It is also true when they say it's all fun and games until someone loses an eye.  Well I didn't lose an eye but got a big charlie horse in my calf.

Well charlie horse or blood clot.  I'm massaging it now so we will learn in short order if it's one or the other.....

My olympic career might have been cut short before it got off the ground.

Couldn't you just squeeze him?!

The dog on the other hand I would like to squeeze in a completely different way....

Day one of seizure meds for baby. A month and a half ago he had what I thought to be a seizure while he was sleeping in my arms. 

He had an EEG this past month which unfortunately showed "epileptic forms" meaning indeed has a seizure disorder.

He might not be able to walk and might not be able to talk but in no way does it stop him from making full use of the splash park. 

My gosh this kid is a joy!  We love him so much. 

Always swell when you pull up home and access has three of your kids at the front door while the driver you have guess is talking to 911 whom he called because one of them had a seizure. 

Dude! Did no one tell you she has a million seizures a day?!

No 911 operator we do not need an ambulance. She has a seizure disorder. This happens every day bunches of times a day. Yes I'm sure we don't need the ambulance. She is up and walking and is fine. Thank you 911 lady no I'm quite sure we won't be needing to call you back. 

Hello Access office guy. Yes she's fine. I am not fine. Quit putting my kids in taxis special drivers or not! The drivers are not trained for kids like mine even though they drive for Access. Im not raising my voice at you because you will know if I am raising my voice at you. No you don't need to call the ambulance for every seizure on the bus or at the door as my girls do it regularly. No I don't need to read your policy manual my kids who seizure all the time on the bus do not have the ambulance called each event.
 
I was having such a good day until people happened. Don't get me started on the FedEx situation....

It has been twenty days since the little booger moved in and we couldn't be more smitten.  This is a problem.  One we can manage but a problem none the less.  Originally when I was approached about taking him through foster care it was a pretty much for sure thing that he would be staying.  I assumed....and you know the saying about assuming.....that would mean no visits with family.  BIG WRONG.  Every Sunday with parents and every other Saturday with another family member.  The good news is everybody loves him.  The not so good news is our lives revolve around when and where the boy is.  Our plans are secondary to what is determined by the extra adults that come with a new little person.

What I know for now is that his Royal Sweetness will be with us until December at the minimum when his future with his family will be decided.  I had forgotten how difficult this road can be when your own goal is always permanence.  Times have changed in my family as well as there are more emotions to consider when entering foster world.  I can feel the heartbreak of loss but understand our hopefully positive role in a little person's life for however long we have them but that is not so easy for the kids especially kids with processing issues.  The visits help though with keeping it forefront and centre that there is another family out there that loves this little boy as much as we do.  Reiterating that to the kids and that we will love him as hard as we can for as long as we can.

TWENTY MINUTES!!!!

TOMORROW!!!!

Move in day is TOMORROW!

Well it's Monday.

What oh what might the day bring?

Could it be a weeny boy?

Told you Fridays were big news days around here!

My license has successfully been transferred and a new one printed off.  Great right?!

The not so great news is that Teddy's worker who will be the boss of the when and how the move is done is off sick today.

GAH!!

That likely means Monday is out now for move in.

I might be a little on the excited however frustrated side.

At least we have movement

It's been two weeks today since we met little Teddy.  It's been sixteen months since this baby has been waiting for a family be it temporary or permanent.

No calls yesterday about anything regarding him.  For something that seems like it should be an easy transfer of my foster care license from one agency to another it sure has been taking a long time.  I have only had a license as one of my kids up until these last few months was not allowed to be placed for adoption.  Cultural reasons.  This too is the good news as LEGAL permanency with us is on the horizon!

It's Friday and big things good and bad seem to happen to me on this day of the week.

Fingers crossed we get some sort of news.

Everyone is in a hurry.  There are so many cogs in the bureaucratic machinery that it is likely another week will end with a weeny boy living where he shouldn't ever have been.

Everyone is motivated.  Everyone is doing their part but holy toledo this is dragging out!  Every day the kids who know what's up are asking if Teddy (internet name I have decided) is coming.

Today is a new day and if more of what needs done is successfully completed then we are one day closer.

Fingers crossed

Said far more eloquently than I could.

Doesn't it seem that there is always some holiday break when you're waiting on those who work business hours to get things done?  It's a long weekend here.

We are at the tail end of the red tape that has to occur before the little teddy bear can come home but what I think is the last of it should have transferred virtual hands days end Friday.  Last week we were teased with a potential move in date of the 24th.  Unless I get a call first thing Tuesday then I can't see that happen.

The crib has been purchased and set up.  Teddy will be sharing with the eight year old who also is in a crib and fortunately I found one that matches short of a slight colour difference.  This makes my need for matching very happy.

We will be in for an adjustment for sure but one we have been waiting for.  The nine year old has been losing her mind about the prospect of Teddy joining the family.  When she's not thinking or talking about Mario Kart then it's about him.

Fingers crossed the move is smooth and that when it happens it causes as little trauma as possible for the ball of sweetness

Change is in the air!!

Nothing is ever for sure.

I trust few when it comes to the growth of our family.

There have been so many close calls in the last SIX years.  Situations that I thought were most definitely our dream come true.  The stars were aligned I thought.  Our wait was over!  Then something would happen.  A change of heart by the first family, us not being the chosen family or the most maddening, bureaucracy rearing its ever ugly head dashing all hopes.

This most current 'situation' of whom I speak is not adoption but as far as I am told long term nonetheless.  We are the chosen ones and we choose him right back.  Until his sweet head rests in his new crib in his new room I will not fully believe it will happen.  All things going well I think it will be under two weeks before the stork arrives with its two and a half year old bundle of sweetness.

We have met him and let me tell you....charming, delightful, precious only scratch the surface of describing him.

Fingers crossed!

Oh....and I might have another secret too.....

It's much less fun to find a piece of salad in your bra than an onion ring

When mommy has a craving its a win win. The kids get the cookies I get the dough

I was having a pretty good day until people happened

OMG!  This is what my life has come to!

whoever decided peanut butter and chocolate go should be president or at the very least be nominated for a Nobel Peace Prize

GALA NIGHT!!!

Due to aging, cramping aching feet would it be appropriate to wear knock off though very comfortable orange birkenstocks with my black gown? 

Rhetorical question. 

 know the answer is yes....

I have either developed a cold or allergies. I don't feel like I have a cold. 

Fingers crossed I have developed an allergy to a big someone....

Oh I kid.....

Maybe

As ever hopeful that I am to adopt again I am honing my lost knitting skills.  That might be overstating things.  I can knit but was never very talented at it.  Almost all of these finished items have mistakes in them but for the most part are not noticeable.

I'm making an assortment of colours for both boy and girl.

Here's hoping I will be needing the hats and booties but if not we are having a baby boom in the family and perhaps they will get used by somebody.

In the meantime it gives me something baby related to do with my time.

Every week when I take the nine yr old to her swim lessons at the athletic centre I become encouraged. I see folks of all ages in the gym, on the track, on the stationary bikes, swimming lengths. I think to myself that I should be doing that! I could do it! It might even be fun! Then I walk by the Pepsi machine and remember who i am

I can't tell you how in a house with mostly nonverbal kids how wonderful it is to hear shout outs of "you're a good Mommy!" 

I could listen to that all day. 

You can too if you buy your kid the doll that says it..... 

One push of her little hand and all your efforts in being that good mommy will be reinforced by a sweet little canned voice. 

If you push the hand in multiple succession you can hear the emphatic way in which she declares you a good mommy too. 

Maybe pick yourself one up for this coming Mothers Day.....

The nine yr old does not eat candy she does however like to hunt for easter eggs. She has noticed that I keep entering her room to unload the plastic egg contents into my pocket.  

"you should give some of that candy to the kids" she says.

Hmmm....there's an idea. Not one I will consider but it is an idea

What are the chances I will run into someone wanting to play Let's Make a Deal and wants to pay me a large sum of money if I have plum sauce and swim goggles in my purse?

Words shouted upon awakening repeatedly times ten "present!!" And "flowers!!"  She must have some have some high hopes for the day

Things I learned tonight

1) I am over movie popcorn

2) The story of Eddie the Eagle is both sad and inspiring and that
the determination and dedication against all odds of this man
are such to emulated 

3) If Hugh Jackman were my coach I too would try to learn to ski
jump

If I was into steer wrestling...which I am not....I would totally rock it if my mornings are any indication.

A person really shouldn't be this excited about a new dryer.

I mean it's here!  Really really here!!

I sure hope the installation guy shows up too!!

Tell me why it is that having waited on an important CTscan for one and a head mri on another at different hospitals that they both fall on the same day within hours of each other.  Neither can be changed if we don't want to wait for months for another date.  One has a tumor and the other needs that to be ruled out. 

Guess that will be the day to fire up the chopper.....

WHEN!

I read a lot of adoption stuff.

I think I have watched the majority of placement and "Gotcha Day" videos on Youtube.

There is always a common thread.  When the families talk about adopting they use the phrase "when the baby comes" or "when we are matched".  Many have baby showers in anticipation of the call saying they have been chosen so confident are they that a baby is in their near future.

In all honesty I have never been that optimistic about adopting.  When I talk of the matter it is always "if I get to adopt"or "If I get the call".  This includes waiting on a call for and my first.   With each time I have applied there are more and more strikes against me being chosen....my marital status, size of family, dependency of most of the kids, and now especially since my wait has been so long my age.

Even the 'who' I am waiting for leads me to add the 'if' of adopting.  Luckily most babies are born with all fingers, toes and functioning neurons.  Fewer and fewer people are choosing adoption when faced with an unplanned pregnancy.  A very small minority of babes are born with special needs and with a continuing decrease in placement that leaves a negligible number of special babies needing an adoptive family.  Certainly there are but a few families that are wanting to adopt a babe with really significant life long issues but we are out there.  This means I need to be chosen from at least one or two others.  Chances of those families looking like us are not great and perhaps that is more palatable to a family looking to place.

I know there is one more babe for me.  I have known it for at least six years now.  I can't explain how I know but I just do.  As strong as that feeling however  the reality is  others are in control of my "fertility".  Outside forces are who determine our family size.  Getting mentally caught in the details of how this will happen IF it indeed is going to happen puts a damper on things.

What lead me to writing this is I think I need to take a page out of other adoptive families positivity manual.  From now on I am now longer going to think "IF".  I am now going to be all about the 

"WHEN".  It can't hurt.  I have all ready passed the point of crazy, hoping, praying,  visualizing etc that I can make this elusive baby materialize.  If I really truly believe there is one more then I need to grasp onto that belief with both hands and shout from the roof tops "WHEN!  WHEN!  WHEN I adopt again!"

I'll let you know how that works out for me.....

The girl has told me at least a dozen times tonight at the top of her lungs "TWO HANDS!!"  Sometimes she yells "three hands" or "two free" to be exact.

She's so funny. This is a common conversation we have. Sometimes it's about her hands, sometimes her shoes.

Tonight's supper has been brought to you by whatever suits your palate and fills your belly with nutrition being less the priority.

When getting to the bottom of a seemingly endless sink of dishes and discovering a pair of Christmas socks one might think what.the.heck?!  I on the other hand pause only long enough to say "again?"

Today I entered into both the Puma store and the Running Room. 

The disdain with which I'm sure I did not imagine in their look at me and tone in which they spoke I'm sure was in effort to let me know I was truly out of my element.  

Though they were completely correct how judgey!  For all they know I'm training to be an Olympic weight lifter.  Or sumo wrestler.

Dear other grade 4 parents

It has come to my attention via my daughter that there has not been a single volunteer for next weeks field trip. I get it. Parents work, have younger children, appointments etc.

Here's the thing. I detest volunteering on field trips. I have gone on every one for  my grade 4 student since she entered school to support her with her special needs. Most times I just volunteer for my own child but on occasion have been given other students to be responsible for as well. Don't get me started how on the last trip to the science centre I was given five kids who couldn't look more alike or have harder to remember names!

I'm thinking that maybe none of you have agreed to volunteer next week because you too hate field trips. Maybe like me it is where they are going that makes you cringe at the thought of joining them.

How bout I make you a deal. You go on this one and I'll take the next two?

Don't make me pull the last time I worked a field trip at this particular locale I got called saying my mother was dying and I needed to get there card. 

adoption

I haven't mentioned much about my quest to adopt again in a long while.

My desire is still strong however my hope is dwindling.  There was a chance at one point where a cousin to one of my kids would be coming home to us but that did not pan out.

I wish I knew if my hopes are forever dashed or if a new little person is ever going to find us.  Anyone who has adopted or is currently waiting will tell you this is the worst part of adopting.  The not knowing.  Each year that passes with no baby decreases my chances significantly due to my age.  It increases the strikes against us.  I have it in me though.  I have the love, the endurance, the resources to offer a little someone who needs a little something extra.

I will put it out there again that if you are Canadian and know of a family who is looking to make an adoption plan for their child with special needs please pass your knowledge of us onto them.

We are needing another passenger in our clown car.  Well bus.  You get the point

flu free

Better late than never. Due to continual illness since October and seemingly a never ending battle to keep the boy out of hospital he finally received the flu vaccine.

For a large family it is quite an adventure to get the job done every year. Previously we have gone to the health clinic bombarding them with all of our special needsness (it could be a word) and all get done at once. Though it was a one shot deal it seemed to overwhelm the nurses. This year our family doctor offered them so that seemed the better route. Unless you are under nine then you have to go to the health unit.

The process seemed endless but nonetheless we're done and just in the knick of time.  

The smiles say it all

see us as more

Truer words have never been spoken!  

People with disability need to be looked at as more than their diagnosis or perceived limitations.

It starts with language.

A child with Down syndrome is not a 'downsie',  a child who is fed by a tube is not a 'tubie, a child with autism is just that... a child WITH autism not an autistic child.

You might toss the thought aside and claim you're tired of being politically correct. What difference does the word choice make?

 The difference is how it makes your brain perceive those affected.

It is person first language.  A person is a person first and foremost with the same underlying need for love, affection, dignity and respect.  

They are a person first who happens to have differences that add to who they are.  

Those differences might be shared with a group of other people but as much as they belong to the same 'club' they remain very much an individual.

We must always look at people as more than we see on the outside.

Unlike everyone else in the world I was forced into seeing Star Wars. The boy really wanted to see it though it must be his liking for action because there is no way he would be available to follow the story line. I could have talked him into kungfu panda as that is also on his to see list but of the two evils for me Star Wars it was.  I kept it to myself that I was there for the popcorn and pop. Oh and points towards my bid for mother of the year.

One of the teens came as well though her desire to see the movie was the same as mine. Turns out she liked it and I'm sure will now be binge watching the others. 

So what was up with the end anyways?

Mothers.  The  only ones who will ask their child in a loving sing songy voice if they are poopy all the while knowing the answer being that they have all ready stuck their hand in it doing "the check'