Monday, May 4, 2015

Shared blog post on adoption and Nepal

Ihave not copied and pasted this well however the Blog name and link is posted to a post that I think exposes what happens when ever there is a natural disaster.  

Adoption is about finding families for children who need families i.e. for children whose first families have decided it is the best option for them or for whom there is no other option.

Adoption is not about coersion.  Adoption is not about kidnapping.  Adoption is a loving choice for a child who is in need of family.  It is a LEGAL process whereby the potential parents are as vetted as they can be and lengths are taken to ensure that the children are fully and legally available for adoption.

Nepal, Adoption, and What You Need to Know

The sharks are already circling.

When the tornadoes devastated Oklahoma, when hurricane Katrina hit New Orleans, when Japan flooded, when terrorists destroyed New York City, when there was death and devastation and destruction we responded thinking "This is awful, how can we help these families who've lost so much?" We sent money, we sent our wives and husbands to go be hands and clean up wreakage, we sent donations and prayers, our church groups and community groups assembled to do all we could.

Do you know what we didn't do? We didn't go up to mothers and fathers who lost their homes and family members and all they had and say Will you consider giving up your children? You don't have any way to take good care of them now, we will take them and give them a better life. 

We didn't do that. We didn't offer to take folks' kids away while shaming them in their loss and new found homelessness. We didn't turn around sell the children with the fancy word "adoption" to well meaning folks thinking, very selfishly and incorrectly that a good response to crisis is to remove children from their families, culture, country, language, everything. We didn't do that because that is wrong, and messed up, and we don't do that in super developed counties.

 But the sharks are circling in Nepal. There are those who respond to a tragedy and see a way to profit from it. The coercion of children away from poor folks who do not see a way out of their poverty and loss is a skill that many adoption facilitators have perfected over time, in many countries. I suspect some of them have even convinced themselves they are doing God's work, swooping in in crises like that. But don't you think for one minute it's about what is best for children. It is not. It is about making money.

This is my special request for you, my friends. If by any small chance you hear of someone wanting to "go to Nepal and adopt kids hurt by the earthquake" do me a favor, and lock them in a room for the next year so they cannot get out and throw their money at some corrupt low life who will make a buck traumatizing children further by separating them from their country, culture, language and friends and family. This will be beneficial in multiple ways as it prevents their doing something stupid and gives them the isolated traumatic feelings of an child ripped from everything she knows in the middle of family turmoil.
You see, the sharks are already there in Nepal, circling the poor, smelling blood in the water. Women there who have lost homes, perhaps spouses have been approached about giving up their children "so they can be better off." 
Please do not support the adoption of children from Nepal. Do not feed corruption. Do not financially support people who want to adopt from there. Do not support folks profiting from tragedy and trying to coerce poor people. Children. Are. Not. Better. Off. In. Other. Families.

If we want to help Nepal, we will support children's parents, WHOLE FAMILIES in their desperate need for housing, food, access to water and health services. Strengthen families, do not aid tearing them apart because "it feels good to save a child." Throw your money at Nepal. Throw it. Go nuts. Do not give it to people who want to take kids away from their families.
If you are of the Christian persuasion, I believe that when Jesus commanded people to visit widows and orphans in their distress, he didn't mean to go up to a hurting, poor family and say "I don't know where or how you are going to live or work or eat. But, I will take those pretty children off your hands so you have less mouths to feed and let's face it, I can give them a better education and Disneyland." We must preserve and aid FAMILIES. Not tear them apart. 
Let us help Nepalese families in crisis. Let's not hand money over to traffickers who make us feel good about "saving" children.  Because the alternative cannot bring happiness, it's only heartache for children and families and anyone who says differently is, in the words of Westley from The Princess Bride, selling something. And that something is children.

*update* Some good folks doing good work right now in Nepal and need our help

American Nepal Medical Foundation 
International Medical Corps
Health and Ed for Nepal
Nepal Youth Foundation

The only reason I do not include Doctors Without Borders in this list of worthy organizations currently aiding earthquake victims is that they are fully funded and no longer accepting donations for their response work in Nepal. But they can't be everywhere and do everything, which is why I've listed these others.