it rages

Went to another child's funeral today.  Seven years old.  Just barely.

Pretty as ever laying where no child should ever lay.

So quiet.  So still.  So cold.

I stood for a while stroking her hands, her face.

As much as I grieve for the family and their new loss and how the day was about this special girl I thought about my own.

In touching what is now only the shell that only days ago held the beautiful essence of a miracle I remembered that my daughter felt the same the last time I held her.  Stroked her face.  Kissed her forehead.

I would give most anything to hold Ailish one more time whether it be how she was in life or after her heart took its last beat.  I would take holding her physical self any which way.  Feeling the weight of her in  my arms, against my chest would be the most awesome of gifts.

It is an aching that has quieted itself during some days over the last 26 months though never ceased.  It rages today as much as it did the moment her casket lid was closed its final time.

If only wishing made things so....