At the time of Abby's death I was very cognizant of the fact Ailish's surgery was looming near. Her birthday was coming at the end of January and I had huge fears that it would be her last one. The surgery would be extensive and with her underlying condition of hydranencephaly I was concerned she wouldn't survive it. This feeling of doom had made it's home in my head from the time we started talking about straightening her spine which was actually a two year process.
As I tried to contribute to making the funeral for Abby a celebration of her life I couldn't help but wonder if I was being groomed to plan one for Ailish. Turns out I'm psychic and should hang out a shingle as ten weeks later I was making final arrangements for my daughter.
That all being said I can't help feel a little excited at this time (call me crazy...most do) because this same friend is in process to hopefully adopt a baby that has been in their care for two months. If that's not exciting enough...let's turn this around to be about me cause of course that is how it should be....everyone and their dog knows I want to adopt again. I just did a baby shower for my friend. If huge life events are going to repeat themselves with us then it would only stand to reason that within the next two months MY baby should be here!
It could happen....
|Abby's birthday. Malia joined her in her crib at the hospice|