Tuesday, May 7, 2013

Dear Target Canada

Dear Target Canada

Do you know how hard it is to shop with eleven children?

Do you know how hard it is to shop with those eleven children when only two want to be shopping?

Do you know how to travel six hours depending on boarder crossing and how often those eleven children or more importantly their mother has to pee so that you can do that shopping?

Well Target Canada I'm here to tell you it is h.a.r.d.  It is doable and if the mutha puts on her happy face and buys enough treats it can be fun especially with promises of the hotel pool after.  Don't get me wrong we like to travel though I use the word loosely.  We like short term hotel stays (well the kids do anyways), eating out (love the Golden Corral.  Love it) and we even like the drive.  Crossing the Canadian/Us border leaves something to be desired however as they are always mean to me.  Always.  No matter how sweet and charming I am or nor matter how straight to business I am the bus throws them and they are nasty.  I suppose even the rude, belligerent customs officers play their role in the success of our little trips as it gives me the mental stimulation to stay awake driving through bald ass prairie thinking of all the witty comebacks I could have made while being berated.  Being the goal should always be staying out of jail it is best that I do not come up with what I consider brilliant appropriate responses at the time of the inquisition.  However....I could potentially have my own cell with my own toilet that is only slightly less public than the ones I have in my own house and they would have to come up with what to feed the children, change their diapers etc etc.  My room service would not be stellar but I wouldn't be doing the cooking....  I should reconsider my approach next border crossing....

I tell you these things Target Canada and pose these questions as a response to having shopped in one of your new stores today.  In the back of my mind I believed that you would offer nothing new but I had hopes that you would bring some of the little extras from the US that we don't carry here.  I thought yay maybe there would be the xxl mens underwear that is so plentiful down south but notsomuch here.  I thought there would be a bigger selection of new and exciting toys that we always see on our sojourns cross border shopping.  Nope.  It was not to be so.  Just as I had feared you were Zellers and Walmart but done in red.

You might think that my disappointment is unwarranted and that perhaps I am in need of a life.  Certainly my complaints are silly and first world.  You might very well be right and to tell you the truth I won't be losing sleep over it.  Unfortunately however you have caused poor Donovan grief.  He had high hopes that you would be bringing with you the Fisher Price pink Laugh and Learn dog that Phoenix loves so.  Every time an add for Target came on the tv he would ask if Target was making Phoenix a new pink dog.  We bought the store out when we were in the states last summer but alas two died long painful deaths and the remaining dog will likely find a same fate.   It will soon be back to brown dogs.  Equally enjoyable.  But come'on....pink is for girls.
I will leave you with this dear Target Canada.  If you want the faithfulness of a future shopper and possible employee in a supported work enviornment it might behoove you to step up your game and bring in some pink dogs, xxl mens underwear and any number of the cool American products missing from the new stores.  Donovan would be ever so grateful and he would have one less thing to cause him anxiety.
She's on her last legs
I appreciate your attention to this matter.

Yours truly

Disappointed Target Canada Shoppers

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