I know it happens to others too...Right?

I left the house with this attached to the back of my coat.  Luckily one of the teens pulled it off me before I was arrested and strip searched.  (in hindsight getting arrested might be considered a break and let's face it no one has wanted to see anything under my clothes in like....well in a really. long. time so a strip search might just be the excitement I need....

Have you ever been in a grocery store, overloaded cart, back tracking this way and that looking for every single item you might possibly need within the next two weeks and when your family is large that is a LOT of things and you just want to stop and yell "For the love of GOD can someone PULEEASE tell me where the water chestnuts are?!!"

Ya, me either….

I bet you all thought the baby Malia was holding was a new bundle of joy for us didn't you?

Sorry

But your thoughts to God's ear or something like that….

come on now!

Baby J who came to our Christmas party

You tell me how the universe could deny this girl so full of love a teeny bundle to love on? 

Government time

Government time

To adopt you must complete a criminal check and child intervention check ensuring both that you are not a crazed criminal or have had any negative interactions within the child welfare system.  I had my paperwork in two days after I discovered the baby.  That was November 22 if I am not mistaken.  The worker who processes them has them date stamped as having made it to her desk November 28.  She was on holidays.  For two weeks.  She is working on them today.  December 11.  You do the math.

Now she cannot process them without one other added technicality that is new that I must adhere to.  Here's hoping I can get what I need done with them before Friday and submitted so she can finish processing them.  A fast return of the intervention checks is thirty to sixty days.  Yes you read that right.

I might have only been half right when I said adopting a child from foster care requires the skills of a hostage negotiator.  It also requires the patience of a saint.  Unfortunately I aint no saint.

Oy

Public Safety Announcement! It is not common knowledge but it IS possible to become trapped in a sports bra. Should you still choose to risk wearing this dangerous under garment it is strongly suggested that a small pair of scissors be kept within close proximity. As of yet no recalls have been listed but they are sure to occur as word gets out. You're welcome

After snapping the snow shovel in half while shovelling the teenager says "the poor thing couldn't handle the massive guns on my arms"...
She's just so delicate my precious princess daughter.....

"How many kids does that family have?' asks the seven year old.
"Seven" I reply
"Hmm seven is not a very big number of kids to have"
It is possible the child's perspective might be a little skewed...

adoption update such as it is

What is the baby update you might ask?

Nothing good.

I have put in my application to adopt a baby listed on the photo listing.  My home assessment is five years old and things are done differently now.  This would be a government adoption so things run S.L.O.W.  I have been told I am being fast tracked.  That means with my application having gone in at the end of November my home assessment will be completed no where before….wait for it….February.  I have offered to pay an agency to have it done….the same agency that they would contract out to.  My rationale is that if I'm paying I can get it done sooner.  Even if that were true and I don't know if it is my offer was not acceptable.  As I mentioned from my post on TRUST, I am to trust the system.  Easy to say when you are waiting to hear if you are considered worthy for a specific child, or any new child in government care.  Every day that goes by is a day lost to the forever family whoever they are.  As I am sure the baby is receiving excellent care in her foster home medical decisions are being made and ones that have life long effects.  A forever family should be making those.

Christmas is coming.  You know what that means right?  Sure there are all the festivities the Season brings but what it also brings as anyone waiting on government will tell you is a halt in progress.  Workers take holidays, offices are shut and nothing is done short of what is emergent.  More time passes as a little baby celebrates a huge first in what is possibly her temporary home.

As it turns out as I was informed this week is that the foster family has not indicated whether they want to adopt this little peanut they have been loving on.  I am hoping a poop or get off the pot attitude quickly ensues.  I just can't believe that this huge fact was not determined BEFORE they started recruiting adoptive families.  There is a possibility that the family is unsure about their intentions as the needs of the baby are great and will continue to be so.  Maybe they thought they would not have to make the commitment if no one was interested.  It's not an easy one to make.  Being faced with the loss will likely be the impetus to decide.  It is what is best for the baby that is of greatest importance.  If the foster family does want to adopt her and they are capable of meeting her lifelong needs then that is where the baby should stay.  I say that with the utmost sincerity.  I detest children being bounced around like beach balls.

Last word I heard was more discussions needed to be had.  I sure hope those happen fast, for everyone's sake.

In the olden days when I was doing this I had little issue politely climbing the ladder until I got to the deciders.  All of those folks are gone now.  I am treading far more lightly than I ever have short of with the littlest boy's situation.  A fact I know for sure which has been a hurdle since child number five made her appearance was the size of the family and of course my lack of husband.  I only hope we can clear the hurdle again this time.

I have a theory on menopause (not that I would have any real knowledge you understand…)

My theory is that after decades of seeing blood for upwards of a week a month when it is missed you have a desperate need to see it even if it is someone else's.  It's better in fact if it is someone else's.

This excludes times when cycles are missed due to pregnancy.  Those folks are all aglow from growing a new person and are in more of the loving,  protective, nurturing part of their lives not the this is the beginning of the end part and I'm not going out without a fight.

As I said, it's just a theory.  I have no clear research to back me up...

If your teen is bugging you and won't let up…start twerking. Guaranteed to have them running screaming from the room thereby restoring peace for at least a few precious moments. 
If for some reason your teen is of a stronger constitution than mine and continues to pester and annoy offer to load a video of you twerking onto youtube and post on their Facebook timelines.

I'm here to help People.  I'm a giver like that

You know how some folks have visions of sugar plums dancing in their heads?  Well I have no clue what a sugar plum is but I know what a Big Mac is and visions of one of those bad boys spent last evening calling my name.  Today I had one.  Yes I did.  I now feel a coma coming on probably due to the third degree heart block that now ensues.  Sure was good going down though….

trust?

Hmmm.  Wondering why adoptive parents would be recruited for a baby in foster care before determining whether the foster parents want to adopt or not.  Foster parents in good standing.  Everybody seems to love them and the care they provide.  If they want to adopt then it makes the most sense to me anyways NOT to disrupt baby by moving her.

Twenty four years in the system and still am no further ahead in wrapping my head around how the folks within it do what they do.  Today I was told I need to "trust the system" and work within it.  I was told this by someone who has been working in the system possibly four times less years than I have been adopting from it and know there is much not to trust about it.

Realistically I know that everyone is attempting to work in the best interests of children.  As it always is with the government raising of children no one can agree on what the best interests are.

Nope. Not going to happen

The amazing story I had hoped to tell you with unlimited pictures illustrating our immense joy?

Ya that's not going to happen.  At least right now or with this situation.

God has a cruel sense of humour with me and I don't mind saying I don't appreciate it.  Not one bit.

Hope

It's cray cray around here folks!  Cray. Cray.  Ok so it's just me that is crazy.  There are events that have been happening in the last eight days that are just too unbelievable.  It's all good.  It's all amazing.  Amazing maybe until it might not be.  Then there will be devastation.  My heart will be broken, my spirit crushed.

For now I am living in hope.

If I am really really lucky there will be a magnificent update to post with a story that will astound you.
(if I'm not so lucky a cruel joke is being played on me by the universe...)

Hope though right?  Living in hope.....

Check your boobs people.  Check. Your. Boobs

Rambling Rant

I need to find a way to get my hands on groups of medical residents both junior and senior alike and perhaps the Fellows too and provide for them the education I need them to have.

Our children's hospital is a training hospital so like it or not your appointment can be determined by the skill, competence and confidence of the resident assigned to the doctor you are really there to see.  The resident comes in first does his assessment then must go back and report to his supervisor who it is you really want to see. They discuss possible treatment plans THEN the RD (real doctor…oh don't you residents get your panties in a bunch…I know you are doctors, just not the fully accredited one I want), comes in repeats the exam or parts thereof and states the plan.

As useful as this is to the resident and probably the attending too, it can add a lot of time to a short appointment.  What it can also add is a lot of frustration for the patient and family alike.

It is highly possible that I am old enough in the tooth that I have lost patience with the system.  That would make sense however what I have learned about myself as I have aged is that I have more patience for things that will result in the greater good.  So wherein then does the problem lie?

I believe the answer to the question is two part.

1.  I think the phrase is "I do not suffer fools gladly".  I appreciate the learning curve students are on.  I appreciate the difficult nature and volume of information that must be absorbed and respect those whose brains are big enough to take on the task.  Mine is not.  I am also mindful of the gruelling schedule they are forced to live.  All that being said GET YOUR ACT TOGETHER!  Come in prepared.  If I have to fill out five pages of information prior to the appointment I'm going to assume it is because someone at sometime thought the age at which my sixteen year old learned to drink from a cup was important!  Read it.  Skim it even.  This will then help you approach the patient and family members in such a way that your assessment will be accurate thereby your diagnosis and treatment plan will follow suit.

2.  It is possible that because there was a resident who either was exhausted or scoring at the bottom half of her class at the helm the day Ailish died that it might subconsciously be playing a roll in my attitude in the last few years.  I think it has made me want to skip the middle man and go straight to the top.  I don't want to have to work my way to the top anymore.  I have put in my time.  Paid my dues.  My daughter paid with her life.  I'm sure that sounds all so dramatic.  The fact was that Ailish probably still would have died if the resident had been brighter, the nursing staff being able to distinguish sleeping from coma and me using the big mouth I have for better advocating rather than sarcasm.  The fact remains a resident was assessing during the day and not knowing she needed to be calling in the RD (see above).  You would think that because there was the orthopaedic resident who was amazing and fought so hard to save Ailish's life once he was called in late in the game that it would cancel any negative attitudes I currently have.  Sadly that might require maturity and perhaps letting go of deep seated anger and guilt harboured in my soul….

Coma NOT sleeping

The real answer is likely somewhere in the middle but mainly lies with me being old and crotchety.  I actually do relish the training of new physicians especially when it comes to my children who's disabilities fall in the severe to profound range.  I want them to see my kids, learn about their diagnoses and see them for the individuals they are and not what the literature says they should be.  I want them to learn the compassion and patience it takes to examine them and the social and communication skills it takes to work with the parents.   They are going to be practicing medicine long after I am dead and gone and it would be great if we as a family had a hand in them being able to sat
had seen a child with such and such and they presented like this….

I really do want to be part of their education.  They just need to quit p@#$% me off!

Would you believe that come January this family of 12 the majority with significant special needs will have neither family doctor nor paediatrician? I think that there is a per that will be taking the kids on but my big kids and I will have no one. The nurse called me today telling me the other patients are getting letters but she thought she would call and give me the heads up as she said we as a family are going to have a hard time finding a doctor….
Darn you people and the need for self fulfillment, self preservation and creating your own destinies!

If you are pregnant....

If you are pregnant and think to yourself one drink won't hurt....talk to me.

If you are pregnant and think to yourself that your friend drank a few drinks all through her pregnancy and her baby came out ok....talk to me.

If you are pregnant and think to yourself you read in an old article that said one drink in the evening would help you relax and won't hurt the baby....talk to me

If you are pregnant and think to yourself that in your grandmother's time woman drank AND smoked during their pregnancies and their kids all came out ok....talk to me.

If you are pregnant and watch the show "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant" and all those women drank, smoked and no prenatal care at all and you think to yourself all those babies were born healthy.....talk to me

If you are pregnant and think there is no way you can go a whole forty weeks without an alcoholic beverage....talk to your doctor.....talk to me.

No matter what anyone tells you or what old literature you can dig up NO amount of alcohol is safe during pregnancy.

NO amount of alcohol is worth the risk to your baby.

Babies prenatally exposed to alcohol may indeed appear to be born unscathed even with extreme exposure.  This does not negate the fact that their brains have been dramatically impacted.  Cognitively the kids, if they are lucky might do well, unlikely but it is possible but then behaviourally not so much.    Mental health issues have a high tendency to make themselves known in adolescence.  There is a cornucopia of diagnoses that are associated with prenatal exposure to alcohol many of which might not be apparent at birth or even during the preschool years.

NO amount of alcohol is worth risking a lifetime of limitations, challenges and heartache.

Parenting begins as soon as the pregnancy is discovered.  The choices that are made can determine the child's future.  If you wouldn't give the baby a bottle of beer or a cocktail once born then don't do it before birth.

Talk to me.....

People First

People first language.

I know, I know it sounds like another politically correct way of speaking that a special interest group wants the world to buy into.  Guess what?  IT IS!!!

Sensitivity is so important in communication.  It happens to be in my opinion one of the great assurances your message will be heard and not have your listener preoccupied with what an ass you are instead.  It encourages the start of open dialogue and the development perhaps of new relationships.

As parents or immediate family members of people with disabilities we might not be so delicate about the special needs that we live with daily and in fact might be somewhat crass.   If outsiders looking in could hear some of the conversations they might find them on the offensive side.  The key there is that they are on the outside.  We in the trenches have the inside tract.... Any seemingly off colour remarks are inside jokes if you will and always come from a place of love and respect though our word choices might belie that.  Call it a stress relief.  Call it an ability to laugh in the face of adversity.  Call it whatever you want however unless you are on the inside don't follow suit.

You might wonder what has brought on my little diatribe.  It might just be as simple as having heard one too many times the referencing of children and adults by the disability handed them.  Teachers, therapists, doctors, front line care givers identifying their charges in sentences such as "I have four Downs, five autistics, an FAS" etc etc.   No No NO!

Children/people are not their diagnosis.  People first language means when you are speaking of someone you might describe a child WITH autism not an autistic, you would say a child WITH Down Syndrome etc.  This might seem small.  It might seem petty.  When it is your child or family member I assure you it is not.  My biggest pet peeve however is when staff working with those in wheelchairs refer to the person as a "chair"ie we have to get the chairs in the bus or in the room etc.  NO!  The person is in a wheelchair they are NOT a chair.  This is said time and time again.  How demoralizing.  How degrading.

Maybe a good way to describe people first language is to take the "special interest" aspect out of the equation and illustrate with your average variety crowd.  Next time you introduce your friends you might say "this is my bald friend Barry, obese sister Tara, and homeless uncle Stan".  The friend, sister and uncle are people who HAPPEN to be obese, bald and homeless.  It is not who they are as people.

This really is more than being politically correct.  This is not a means by which if we use the right words then maybe the disability will not be noticed.   This is a way of hopefully creating a society whereby those with disabilities are less marginalized based on having a diagnosis.  The goal would be for them to be seen as PEOPLE FIRST.

Five seasons

The holidays don't ever get easier at least from my experience thus far.  Although I feel her loss at every point of every day the months September through April are the worst.  So much is packed into those months whether it be holidays, events and traditions that we participate in etc.  Something as simple as back to school shopping emphasizes grief.

Another grieving mother said it best when she said there are five seasons....winter, spring, summer, fall and grief.

Don't you just hate it...

Don't you just hate blogs that you follow and the author doesn't update on a regular basis?!  I mean GEESH!

That appears to be me....

Sorry.

We had a HUGE party this weekend for the littlest boy.  It was great.  I myself have little to no pictures to show for it but I had a photographer there and as soon as he gets the photos to me you will be completely bored and overwhelmed by it all.For now I will leave you with random photos and videos.

The first is sweetness.  The second is First Nation drumming and dancing for the littlest boy's party

Well with 25 minutes left in the business day it is likely safe to to say no one is calling me today with a new baby.  Not even a hint of new baby.

Can we sue the author of the Secret for selling bunk?

Gratitude

I am grateful for the beautiful family that surrounds me.  

I am grateful for each and every one of their blessed little and not so little heads.

I am grateful that we are able to live a life where the everyday needs of food, clothing and shelter are met without struggle.

I am grateful that all our healthcare needs are met and at no cost to us and for the most part by a system that values my family even though they might not understand them or are confused by them.

I am grateful for an education system, most specifically those in the trenches that although I may at times have had conflict, respects my children and wants what is best for them almost as much as I.

I am grateful to live in a province that sees people with cognitive disabilities as worthy of developing peer relationships and capable of growth and development that they offer the resources to do so.

I am grateful that though my children not be seen as 'healthy' that in fact overall they enjoy good health.

I am grateful for the 'village' surrounding us that will and has rallied when called upon.

I am grateful for the extras that we at times can afford.

I am grateful for each meal I cook, each diaper I change, each shower and bath I give and each sleepless night I have as it means my children are here for me to care for and love on.

I am grateful for the book the Secret that says if I believe that it will happen that I can manifest it to happen and that if I am grateful for it as if it has all ready happened it will indeed be manifested (something to that effect anyways...I only skimmed the book!)

In the spirit of the Secret then.....

I am grateful that today I got called for a new baby!

I am grateful today I got called for a new baby!

I am grateful today I got called for a new baby!

Come'on everybody chant it with me!  I am grateful that today Tricia got called for a new baby!  I am grateful that today Tricia got called for a new baby!  You can do it!

Maybe check back later today and we'll see how we did....

Wondering how teachers stay sober.  Or do they?

FYI

Just an FYI...when someone is ever so hopeful that an adoption agency is going to call them for a baby and you call from private name private number and/or blocked number and you call both house and cell it really raises the OMG MAYBE IT'S A BABY CALL psychosis to a new level. Agencies call using a blocked number.... For the love of all things holy LEAVE A MESSAGE!! I will defend you in this however, slightly in that if it were to be a baby call the agency would leave a message. But still....

I believe I have figured out the calls so let the CRAP it wasn't a baby call depression commence.  No worries, it is a common state of mind when waiting. 

You can't say we are boring

Well all I can say is it has been an interesting and not in a good way week.  I have been in plans for some weeks now to throw the littlest boy a giant, screw you Pinterest, hallelujah you made it to six, we're so glad you're alive party.  It involved a banquet room all done up in a forest theme, turkey buffet,  First Nation dancers and drummers, candy bar etc etc.  Ninety people confirmed they were attending. The cake was special ordered and to be delivered to the event location.  The photographer was booked and at the ready.  Everyone had new party clothes even if it was down to the wire exchanging and returning the purchases that were not of the correct size and finding just the right socks for the littlest boy.  You might not know that it is hard to find black socks for baby sized feet.

Then there was the tuxedo.  Ohhhh the tuxedo!  It took me a while to decide what to dress the boy in for the big day and then I decided white tux.  Then I discovered white jacket, black bow tie, black pants etc.  This is where the trouble came.  There are a few stores in the city that carry boy's formal wear however there is only one supplier in essence making only one way to get what I had hoped for.  Unfortunately they had neither of what I wanted but in the end I settled on the black tuxedo in which he looks very dapper.

So there we were all ready to paaaarty....

Then it happened.

Two o'clock in the morning I hear loud banging on the wall.  I stumble to the source and find my biggest boy, the reason we are who we are, on the floor holding his leg.  I pretty much knew what happened.  He had had a seizure and fallen on his leg.  There was obvious deformity.  I knew what to do but how to do it was another story.  I needed someone to come to the house and watch the other kids and have an ambulance come and get us.  Lucky enough for me our friend and sitter responds to texts in the middle of the night!  She said she would be on her way.

Calling for an ambulance believe it or not is mostly foreign to me.  The only other time I have called for one was when the man did the same thing but broke his foot.  I knew what to ask for this time though.  I said we didn't need lights and siren but basically needed transport.  I also suggested they send an engine with as with the man unable to weight bear and his room at an awkward angle to put a stretcher in there would be lifting as well and too much for two paramedics to do.

Our friend arrived, I called the ambulance and they soon arrived.  Two lovely young relatively buff men.  They were so good.  Once the degree of cognitive disability was described and done so as simply and relatable as possible ie functions as a two year old then we were golden.  The paramedics agreed they needed more man power to lift and get on the stretcher and soon the cavalry was on scene.  Everything went smoothly and I think because Jordan knew they were the ones that were going to help him (and came with the good drugs!) he was calm as a cucumber.

The end result of our little adventure was that Jordan suffered a spiral fracture to his tibia and fibula and required surgery.  It was done Saturday evening and minus a little bit of conflict over his oxygen saturations, his terror and refusal to wear nasal prongs and a battle ax nurse I darn near took out surgery and recovery room were almost uneventful.  Jordan's pain management was great and I had prepped the medical team even before surgery that this was going to be an in and out deal.  Normally with this type of procedure (insertion of tibial nail and screws along with plate and screws in the fibula) the criteria for discharge is pain under control and ambulation.  Since Jordan would not be able to learn to use crutches let alone use a walker all he would need to learn is how to transfer from bed to chair.  First day after surgery Jordan was responding well to oral pain meds so as soon as the resident got in I told him what his orders would be and that would be immediate discharge.  He bought into my plan and off we went. I am fortunate in that my bus is wheelchair accessible as is our house.  Had this not been the case the situation would have played out horribly differently.

I had always dreaded having to deal with a hospital stay with one of my adult kids.  Having now experienced it things I thought would be a concern were but also for the short time we were there there was more good than bad.  It is surprising to me in both pediatrics and adult health care that the providers have so little experience with people with disabilities, cognitive or otherwise.  It requires a lot of advocating and educating by the family and it would be horrible for those whose family cannot stay with them.  Safety would most definitely be an issue

Recovery is to be six to eight weeks of zero weight bearing.  Lord Almighty!  Have I mentioned the man is B.I.G.?  We have been home a full week now and are still fine tuning how the next two months are going to go.  Toileting is the biggest issue.  I can't overemphasize that!

This weekend is Canadian Thanksgiving.  You can believe that I am more than grateful for so many things but most especially this year is that things could have turned out so much worse for Jordan and even though his injury is severe he is recovering and at home.

Colour me THANKFUL

Emerg. MMMM morphine

ouch!

well that's good news!

Room with a view

HOME!!

A man can never have too many birds

Either I get the square at the bottom of the bed or the couch!

I got your back Man!

Showered and shaved.  We both need a medal!

LOVE

Blood clot preventer.  Shooting hoops

More LOVE

Sharing

One week post op, very early in healing.  Can you guess which leg is broken?

(pardon my crappy iphone photography)

Goodbye morning conversation

Good bye convo with the six year old. Me "Bye Sweetest, have a great day. I love you. No quiet room today (nice way of saying rubber room...ok not really...but her timeout space). Right? No quiet room?" Her "right...pray for me!"

Room with a view

Would you believe these are views from a hospital room?

It's coming

I'm trying.  Really I am.  I am trying to string more than two words together after the events of the weekend however my brain is a little bit scattered.  More than usual.  I know...hard to to believe.

The words are coming and soon they will form sentences and then there will be something to read and hear about us other than the last post of lice being at the school...

Welcome back!

It wouldn't be a new school year if the requisite lice notice didn't come home.  So far only one school has sent this home.

This is the head of hair at risk of potential exposure.  Yikes almighty!

Dear Burglars

Dear Potential Burglar

Should you happen to choose my house to 'hit' (listen to me all gangsta!) and upon entering come to the conclusion that someone else got here before you and ransacked the joint I would like to point out a few things.

1) I have a lot of kids.  A. LOT.  I don't know if you know kids but these folks are messy.  They leave things laying around making it a minefield.  I will trust that you have some sort of burglars insurance that covers you in case of any mishaps while stealing other people's stuff as I will not be responsible for any injuries incurred.

2) I have six in diapers.  Should you break in on an appointment day such as today having me leave the house early and are assaulted by an odour that if bottled could qualify as chemical warfare again, I cannot be held liable.

3) Ten lunches are made every early morning.  If I have to leave early there may or may not be ingredients of said lunches left out.  You are welcome to help yourself if you are hungry.  Even though you have entered my home to take what you have not earned it hurts me to think folks go hungry.  I will ask however that you clean your dishes and put whatever you use away.  I might not be able to train the children but perhaps I will have more luck with the common criminal (no offence).

4) Bathroom étiquette is not my family's forte shall we say.  Should you enter any of the bathrooms before I have had chance to have my way with them you do so at your own peril.  Should you find you need to avail yourself of the facilities kindly put the seat down, flush, wash your hands and for the love of all things holy turn off the light.  I wonder if I could beg a favour and as you make your way through the house if you could ensure all the toilets are flushed?

5) The dog.  She looks adorable.  I am sure she will all be wagging her tail thumping it against her kennel as if to say open the kennel door and I'll show you where all the good stuff is.  It is a rouse!  We have no good stuff and if you let her out of her kennel and don't take her down to her rocks and she does her bizness all over my floor I will hunt you down and have you prosecuted to the full extent of the law and then some!

I would like to end this letter of instruction by encouraging you not to judge.  Do not judge me on the basis of what you think my housekeeping skills are and what you find as a home in complete disarray.  I will actually draw your attention to the walls in the living room.  Those my friends were just washed.  Yes indeed.  With cleaner and everything.  Also there is one bedroom from bedding to carpet that is shiny clean (don't look in the closet).  So before you are all judgey judgey take note of those two things.

Well that's it I guess.

I just wanted to offer some defense to what you might walk into (or climb into or however you people get in).  I would hate people to think my house is a disaster even if the 'people' are common criminals (no offence).  I mean it is a disaster, you and I both know that but I don't want people THINKING that.  You understand.

Yours truly

Home owner and owner of all the stuff you might think good enough to steal.  Good luck!  HA HA HA HA!

Pretty please

I don't normally ask for things like this.  I don't normally ask for much of anything from anybody really unless it's something for which I am giving compensation (don't believe anything anybody tells you!).

This week has the potential to be life changing.  Sounds dramatic eh?

There are two things being brought to two different tables this week.

Both of these issues involve change in legal status of one and the possibility of growing the family via a route that I thought was permanently closed to us.  I desperately want both of these things to have the outcomes I have been dreaming about for YEARS.

I would welcome any and all positive vibes sent our way.

Applause please

Can we give Nessa a rousing round of applause?  It's raining outside and she peed.  Outside.

I know right?!

Maybe if she hears accolades sent from around the world she will repeat this magnificent feat.

#dumbassdog

#didijustwritethat

#thenamesiwanttocallheronaregularbasisaremuchworse

Fun times

I will miss these days, these days of summer.  I all ready miss the kids being much smaller but relish these days that they continue to think that I am the cat's meow.

This day we made use of the special grounds made at the Children's Hospital where there is a mini soccer field, track,  golf and basketball court.  The three of us played soccer and ran races.  I might just add that younger mothers have nothing on me.  I was a wicked goalie (not really), could pull off a good kick and was able to run races with suffering neither a cracked hip nor cardiac event.  Take that!

I enjoy these times where I have unlimited access to teaching the lessons that I feel are important.  With school being full days with added travel time on top it can feel like we never see each other.  In the end it means a more concentrated effort must be made to ensure that time is taken to be together.

Don't get me wrong.  Make no mistake about it.  There were times this summer where I thought we had a bit too much togetherness and questioned who in the world had the stupid idea to give two months off school anyways.  Luckily those times were few and far between.

School is back in session now and due to health issues for one and behavioural for another there continues to be plenty of time for me to impart my philosophies on life and anything else I can think of during the day.  This sort of was not what I had planned....

Helping her brother roll the ball

SCORE!

Lining the brother up to make the shot

SCORE

Who plays soccer in bare feet?

Luckily they were soft balls

Just Hush!

Have you ever said anything so completely stupid and idiotic in front of people who don't know you?  Have you ever used words or sentences in an effort to convey a message but in the end the message you convey is that you are a horrible beast (and not in a good way)?

That was me today.  I cringe at my word choice.  I worry that I did not effectively correct what was done.  I worry that I could in any way be taken seriously at those words.

Normally I make such errors when I am being my normal sarcastic jackass self.  Unfortunately this was directed towards professionals about one of my adored ones.

Attempting to let it go.  Hoping the words are forgotten and what they commonly connote and not what I meant.

I believe in the philosophy less is more.  Too bad I did not practice it when speaking today..

still mad

Sometimes, surprisingly, even though you feel it every hour of every day grief can rise up stronger, faster and far more furious, throw you to the ground and stomp on you mercilessly. Unforgiving. I too am unforgiving. I have a rage that roars within me towards those who failed us, those who should have done better. I share in the guilt for knowing better and not responding as I should have. I have resentment in a system who's hierarchy and promotion of doctors to a position of such reverence that other healthcare professionals fail to communicate with for fear of reprisal if they call too soon puts patients in danger to such a degree that death can occur.
Grief is stupid

pleasant surprise

I have so much to say about this year's first day of school but have not found all the words and energy.  Suffice it to say that never mind the six degrees of Kevin Bacon in this house there is six degrees to Ailish Angelia.

I will leave you with this however....

I spoke with the my adored six year old new to grade two child's teacher after school with this being the first day and surprisingly enough to me she sounded all sober and everything!

If you have done any reading here and have learned of the unique qualities that make up my princess this indeed is a surprising feat!  Not only was I surprised on the the teacher's state of sobriety I was also very happy to learn that it is the same teacher as last year.  This means the darling is in a grade one/two split class which ordinarily I am not a fan of but I think is the right move for the child.  I do not soft cell the challenges educating her presents.  I truly am surprised if not shocked that a teacher would sign up again if there was an option not too.  I fully believe that this particular teacher definitely graduated top half of her class and feel really fortunate that we can benefit again from her teaching.  The familiarity that teacher and student will all ready have will decrease adjustment and the learning curve in the getting to know you phase that occurs the beginning of every year.  It is highly possible we have fallen into our own Annie Sullivan!

Love her Love her Love her beyond measure!  (however my camera and I might be breaking up due to the quality of this picture!)

Just in case you forgot

Just in case anyone didn't know or has forgotten....grief is still stupid.

It doesn't matter how long it has been.  The memories are still clear, the emotions still raw.

All triggers present and accounted for with maybe a few new ones to pour into the mix.

I don't know what it is to lose anyone but a child.  Count me lucky in some respects.  The loss of a child however....I cannot imagine anything that hurts more or a grief more intense.

Remember?

Remember last year?  Look at the child!  All full of excitement about the first day of grade one, not knowing what was going to go on but just feeling it was going to be great.

Remember when I dropped by the school in my distress of the child having her first day of grade one?

Remember how quickly the staff gathered a mini parent teacher conference on the first day of grade one? ( I think it took them all of two minutes to gather four different professionals all of whom looked like they had been ridden hard and put away wet).

Remember how the child loved to type braille but hated....no H.A.T.E.D to read braille?

Well we are seven, count them seven days away from the first day of grade two.  The child's heart and soul have not softened in the least to reading braille.  I will be just as distressed about sending my little dolly across the city to her school but maybe this year I will hide under the covers or at the very least have someone hide the bus keys on me so I don't feel compelled to drive to the school.  Maybe I should unplug the phone too...

OY!

It's going to be a great year!  It's going to be a great year! It's going to be a great year!

Right?

If wishing made it so

Wouldn't it be great if the reason I haven't posted in days was because we were adjusting to the demands of a brand new baby?

Alas.....

A girl can continue to dream right?  Even if that 'girl' is like waaaay to old to be called a girl?

I have been having baby dreams where I am actually given the diagnosis of the baby that would find herself to me.  These diagnoses in the dream often have me researching in the morning as I dreamt terminology foreign to me.  These dreams have happened to me for a number of the kids before they came but not always right before maybe over a year or so.

The dream I had a couple of weeks ago showed me in a board room with a man and a woman.  The man had in his hand slips of paper that each held a profile of a child we had been matched with.

On my paper it read:  Four month old
                                   Girl
                                  Choanal atresia
                                  Some term meaning cardiac but said it was treated
                                  Braille might be helpful in the future.

In my dream I tell myself to remember the spelling of the first term so I could look it up when I woke up!

Anywhoo all those things put together leads to a syndrome called Charge Syndrome.  This is a syndrome I have a basic knowledge of but certainly not the intricate details of it.

How weird is this?!

I have had another dream but a long long time ago in fact two years ago that said the baby would come home in May.  Coincidentally May is the only month we do not have a birthday under this roof.  Now if you do the math and depending if baby found her way to me this month and depending when in the month she was born, this baby could actually have been born in May!

Though the month is not over there is no new baby on the horizon for me that I am aware of but again if wishes could make it so.....

End result here is that if anyone knows of an infant girl diagnosed with Charge syndrome whose family is looking to place for adoption....I call DIBBS.

false advertisement

Tried it on my face

It doesn't work

Oh would it be true

I was gifted with a crib last night.

Either of two things might be at play here.

1.  my friend knows something I don't know

2. my friend wants to get rid of stuff and my house seemed a good place to drop it off

I of course am hoping for number one and that soon a little bundle will fill this crib.

Wouldn't that just be the B.E.S.T?!!

she could be the weight guesser on the midway!

"How much pounds are you?!!!" The six year old shouts across the crowded waiting room. "Are you one hundred pounds??!!!" "Yes favourite child. I do weigh one hundred pounds".

Unfit

Tonight I was called out on my lack of fitness to be a parent to 14 children as I had no husband.  It was further stated that children require both a mother and father for healthy well adjusted adults to be the end result.

I noted two things from this brief encounter

1. the young man delivering the message is a messed up punk raised by a mother and father thereby disproving his own theory re the well adjusted adult. (It is not his opinion that makes him messed up as he has a right to believe what he wants it is the cornucopia of other factors that make him so)

2. from his mouth to God's ear I am brought a 14th child as I only have 13! (I sure hope the twit is psychic!)

What a day it was

Remembering today how everyone came together to celebrate Ailish again a few months after she passed.  It was a beautiful day to release butterflies all holding a wish to take to my adored, forever missed girl.  The week before the big event we had been bombarded with rain.  I didn't know how the butterfly release would go.  I had borrowed huge umbrellas and prepared to have more people inside the house than out.  The day started out cloudy and threatening to let loose a torrent of water.  As it is with some things that are just meant to be everything falls into place.  An hour or so before the guests were to arrive there was nothing but blue sky and sun.  The umbrellas were put to good use but for shade not shelter.  Not more than minutes after the last guest left did the clouds returned and down it poured.

I have posted this more than once before but I do it again if not just for myself.

Enjoy by clicking on Ailish's name.

Ailish

Donkey Day

What could be better than a donkey in the family?!  This is 'E' (name withheld to protect his privacy and all).  No he does not live at our house though if Jordan had his way.... lets just say the pooper scooper would have to increase significantly in size.  This is the Nana's donkey.  Isn't he cute?  He is so calm.  So tolerant.  We loved him at first sight.  Well some of us did.  Some of us were more interested in the trampoline (aka money maker to orthopaedic surgeons everywhere) while some of us prayed that our time in the great outdoors would be limited.

It was a great afternoon of visiting, playing and relaxing...well we relaxed while some built a donkey pen but as this is all about us, it was relaxing.

So far this summer we have benefitted from friends with a pool, friends with a cabin at the lake and now extended family with cool pets.  What could be better?  Hey anyone have access to a private jet?  That would be fun!

Always prefers the backend of an animal thinking it is more predictable than the head.

Not particularly interested but gave the little fellow a pet

Trampolines are fun!!

Conclusion to a successful bum sit

I bet the donkey would like the trampoline

Donkey? What donkey?  Is that there Dr. Pepper over there for me?

Awww

Listen Donkey the chair is worth more than you so save your teeth for the chips

I think he is taking up modelling

Not a great picture but I liked the look of the herd of horses in the background

What donkey?

Loves loves loves the outside