Sunday, February 19, 2012


At first glance this is nothing more than a diaper.  Nothing spectacular about it in fact it is not even cute with teeny little pictures of Mickey Mouse or Elmo along the top.  It is a powerful item around these parts however, no doubt about it.   This diaper has the power to protect or destroy my sanity based on its effectiveness at any given use.  It provides comfort and security to its user and those responsible for its application and disposal.  The better it performs the happier every one around it is.  Its presence alone and in numbers is a welcome sight to all who require them.  They are practical and useful.  They allow themselves to be portable by their soft foldable design allowing them to become compact and easily transported discretely in most bags.  Indeed they hold a great deal of power in a day in the lives of many.  
Its superpower today however was not a good one.  It made me cry.  It made me cry because this was Ailish's diaper.  No one else in the house wears this kind or size.  I have about four sitting at the base of her crib where they were before she went into hospital for surgery and then you know....died.  It was removed from its year long stay because I have managed to misplace the nighttime Huggie for Malia.  I knew this diaper would fit and do the job.  Picking it up and handling it and knowing it to be "hers" was all it took for my eyes to pour and stomach to turn.  
It's. a. diaper.  Ailish is no longer here.  She no longer needs her diaper.  She is physically gone.  She no longer needs me or this diaper to provide her comfort or security.  It is me that is in need.  I need the comfort and security of Ailish, in her bed, in my arms, always where I can see her.  Selfish as that might seem I need all that this stupid diaper can provide (minus of course for its actual intended use.  I'm old but not that old!)
Have you ever looked at a diaper and really thought about its power?  Think about life without them when you need them.  You might be surprised.


Renee (and Brennan) said...

I agree! A diaper can carry a lot of 'weight!' Well, at least you took a picture of one of the last remaining diapers that belonged to Ailish, it may not have the same affect but it was put to good use..

mainiac said...

:(Hugs!!!! Ailish was very lucky to have you as her mom.

Tricia said...

oh I have more...two cases more as a matter of a fact! Who doesn't keep the diapers of their deceased child? Crazy people I tell you! Ok I might have that backwards but none the less if I lose the Huggies again I've got backup