Tuesday, January 17, 2012

Q and A

Q and A

How old are you?
  now that's just rude to ask!  Let's put it this way...the news tonight said that for a woman my age range getting pregnant would be extremely difficult but if I was successful the pregnancy had a much higher percentage of being wrought with medical complications for me let alone the baby.  But really....what do they know

Have you ever married?
   No I have never married and came to the conclusion in my early twenties that I wanted to be mother to a specific group of kids and a lot of them more than I wanted to be married.  I don't think I ever made a conscious decision not to marry but really...what man could handle all of this ( by "all of this" I meant all of my fabulousness never mind the kids).  As a point of interest all of my married friends seem to think that I made the right choice...
   In all seriousness the only time I can really remember missing not having a husband would be in the early days and first couple of months after Ailish died.  I thought I wanted to be taken care of that if someone just held me for hours on end things would feel better.  In talking with married friends who have lost children I have heard that what I was imagining might not have been there with a husband.  Each person is dealing with their own grief on their own schedule and they might not have been emotionally available to provide me with what I craved.  It is likely the same could have been said for me.  A grieving husband, father of my child would have required support from me and in helping the children process their grief that would have been one more person I needed to take care of further depleting what were scarce resources.

What are the ages of your children?

J is 36
Colleen is 29
Hibo is 28
Paul is 24
Samantha is 21
Amanda is 20
Phoenix is 18
Journey is 14 (15 in a month)
Alyssia is 14 (15 in a month and a half)
Donovan is 13
Malia is 5
H is 4

Ailish who now resides in Heaven will forever be 11.

Are you done adding to the family?

   For the last two and a half years I have been informally waiting to adopt again.  By that I mean I have informed the private agencies in the province that I am wanting to adopt a high needs newborn.  Should they have a baby that they do not have the waiting pool of parents for then they will call me.  An adoption could also happen through a direct placement.  We had a close call on my birthday last year when I was called about a newborn with Down syndrome.  The family decided to parent in the end.

So are all the kids adopted if so who is and who isn't?

  No not all are legally adopted, there are a few different guardianship arrangements at play.  There will never be any identification as to each individual person's legal status in the family.  We are one family.  No distinction.

How do you do it?

    How does anyone do anything they choose to do?  I have not great magical one answer for this question that I am asked more times than I can count.  There is no secret.  I am able to care for the family (and sometimes the house...achem) because it is my choice to do so.  I have priorities that are taken care of first and I don't sweat the small stuff.  If stuff doesn't get done one day then it will get done the next (or the next).  I want the memories my children have of me (that is if they don't want me completely wiped from their minds once grown) to have been one of balance.  They need to see that as important as a safe, relatively clean home is the humans in the home have higher priority.

There are other questions asked stemming from a curiosity about us being we are a large family with differences.  If there are questions you would like answered feel free to ask.  I don't promise to answer all of them depending on their nature but I believe that a greater acceptance for what makes us unique comes from information, education and not innuendo.

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