Thursday, March 1, 2012

You would think...

You would think that with Ailish having been gone weeks just shy of one year that I would consciously and subconsciously have figured out that the kid really is gone.  Today as I am looking through the activities at Disneyland I came across something mentioning gardens.  I quit reading however when I was thinking that would be a good place to take pictures of Ailish.  There then was the familiar feeling of a fist being thrust into my stomach as it hits home....again....that I do not need to make plans for Ailish.  You would think that since this trip has been strategically been planned around the anniversary day of her passing that this would be in the forefront of my mind.  Instead I am making plans on how to include her and I don't mean figuratively but literally.

I suppose we could bring Ailish....
Folks around these parts would not be surprised at that level of craziness  on my part.
She wouldn't need a passport however I did fantasize when I was having my passport office woes that I would like to bring her in (ahh, dusty and encased in her urn) with all her id and current picture and apply for a passport.  A girl has to have some fun in her life and what better way to have fun then to make government officials think you need to be committed.  It's not like they would be the first to think it.

Ailish's current picture
On one hand it is reassuring to know that Ailish continues to be an ever present force in the house however I would appreciate having fewer moments of gut wrenching agony when reminded that she is physically gone.  I don't like the feeling of my heart being wrenched from my chest.

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